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It’s Sam Kriss, so this article is going to contain equal parts banal truth expressed via shallow readings of philosophers, utter disingenuous nonsense, and extreme yet affected bitterness.

And I’m going to agree with the fact that its target sucks, so I can’t even have the pleasure of disagreeing totally.

But I like the banal truth and affected bitterness! It's a warm cup of self-pity after a long day of being angry at the news.
Whatever gets you through the day I suppose
Ah, I didn't see the byline and was wondering why this article seemed curiously glib and lacking.

Unlike here, where life is messy and meaty and unpredictable and unknowable, in the real world everything will always have a happy ending.