Hi guys.
I know this isn’t necessarily a place for hugs and comfort, but you have genuinely been some of my most steadfast allies through this whole fucking mess. And it’s been a mess. I haven’t been able to sleep properly since I posted my first thread. I’ve had outbreaks of hives on my arms and chest. I’ve chewed through my lip twice. I’m still going. I’m still going, but it’s hard.
They’re making it hard on me, guys. Shit like this, this, this and this seem innocent, but they hit deep and in several complex ways.
That’s how they treat us in this movement, my dudes. Women and femmes (edit: I use “women and femmes” here because people with feminine qualities and/or who use she/her pronouns are the targets, not because I ascribe to a binary) are playthings, or crazy bitches, or manipulative letters on a page. I can’t win. They won’t let me win.
I’m so tired. I’m so tired of being accused of being unsafe, that bringing Kathy’s letter to light makes LWers (like Scooter natch) unsafe, and of being ignored. It’s so much easier to discourse with the madwoman who can’t fight back, so the madwoman who will scratch and claw and bite to try and make things safer is best only spoken of in whispers and innuendo.
Don’t worry, I’m stable. I have a good support network and I’ll be disconnected from the internet this weekend.
If y’all could give me a hand in some positive ways, please look into convention harassment policies and share them whenever an LWer says there is no good solution for predators. Use my name in conversations. Make them listen.
Thanks again, SneerClub.
Personally, I think what you, and other folks like you, are doing to create awareness and change in your communities (EA, rationalist, nerd, geek,…) is important. I can only imagine how difficult it must be putting yourself out there, not only in your own communities, but also more publicly on the internet. I feel for you, and I really hope good things come from the challenges we’re facing today.
As a moderator of sneerclub, I am happy that we’ve been able to host what little space we have so that people can share their stories and hopefully make connections through which change can happen. That last part can’t be emphasized enough, because so much of our lives are mediated by internet culture that seem to limit our ability to really act in the world. And struggles against sexual violence, harassment, and oppression are always very real (as in IRL) and personal. It’s hard, I think, to translate our experiences of these problems we share into real world change, and I’ll admit that I rarely have good, practical answers. Which is why I am always happy to see others seriously and honestly talking about these things, because I know there are smart and clever people in the world who have or can come up with good ideas.
Which leads me to say, as a resident, self-critical sneerer: I do understand the caution or uncertainty about being associated with sneerclub. We aren’t really a “productive” part of the communities we feature. At least for me, being a sneermember (sneerofficer?), has meant being uncompromising about the pernicious effects of the overly permissive nature of rational, “civil,” internet-age discourse (that’s a mouthful). Or to put more plainly: I pride myself on being a hardass about the things I thoughtfully don’t like. And part of having a hardened ass is not giving into the polite discourse police, and making a point of it. This attitude doesn’t always get the right results, but conventional results are sometimes over-rated. This ultimately is a course rub against the norms of internet/nerd/rationalist culture, but I’ve felt it to be a necessary antidote to its worst excesses.
But that being said, I recognize that this attitude just doesn’t solve problems directly or easily: it doesn’t negotiate with terrorists, it doesn’t save lives, it doesn’t heal wounds, and it doesn’t build bridges. As a feminist, I hurt a little yesterday when a rationalist with serious concerns about protecting victims in their community identified sneerclub as “a pretty big point on the ‘con’ side” … “if I were the victim of harassment and trying to consider whether I wanted to share my experiences publicly.” I am left feeling sore from conflicting values: I don’t want to soften my ass but I also don’t want victims of sexual abuse or harassment to feel crushed between the margins (sneerclub) and the communities they are part of and care for.
So I guess I’ll say this: if I thought that sneerclub was hurting victims of sexual violence by hardening their home communities against them, I would no longer allow any discussion of the subject on our subreddit. If victims of sexual violence or harassment and their allies in the rationalist/EA/nerd communities feel like sneerclub is an dangerous specter, I wish I could convince you otherwise (or convince you that it might be worth having sneerclub and serious discussions of sexual violence should not be in conflict). And to the abusers, enablers, and patriarchs of these communities: stop using sneerclub as an out for your shitty behavior.
(EDIT: I realize after writing this, that I kinda stopped writing directly to you, /u/PolyamorousNephandus, and started writing to my own anxieties about sneerclub. It’s easy when we’re only talking about bad fanfiction and scientific racism—it’s hard when we’re talking about actual people, victims, and our own politically fraught subcultures.)
I’ve gotten a friend who used to post on Overcoming Bias to say he’ll cut those people out. Take care, and thank you for putting yourself through this.
You’re excellent, doing what you’re doing. The sneering at /r/sneerclub is, at least in principle, supposed to be morally serious sneering. That’s how it get’s its name: Big Yud wants to dismiss people taking a morally serious stance as mere sneerers, so why not fucking sneer, yeah?
If they’re not going to take things seriously, focus on surface nonsense, their reputations, whateverthefuck, the only thing you can do is sneer at a surface level, or, if you’re a genuine victim, expose the bastards. And since that’s what they do in their own defence, transparently…
Anyway I’m rambling, you’re ace, fuck ’em up.
I’ll do what I can. Thanks again for speaking out.
Stuff you’ve put up has already been successfully used by me to turn away two younger people I know from the periphery of their social circle.
Thank you for speaking up.
Thanks a lot for doing this, Jax. I’ve been sexually assaulted by people from that community, and I know that pushing back against them is a thankless task.
I’ll continue being a hermit for self-care reasons (it really works for me!), but you continue being amazing in whatever you do :)
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