Your whole life your foot has been getting more and more swollen. You don’t know why. It impedes every facet of your life but it’s never consistent. Some days it is swollen and hard to run on. Other days you can sprint no problem but standing still is what hurts. Other days it is killing you no matter what you do. But you push on and over years you learn to adapt, humans are good at that. You find ways to relieve the pressure when the standing days happen, find ways to keep running even if you want to tear off your limb. You get through it. You make do. You’re never comfortable, you’re never fine, you’re never completely okay but you make do and you’ve come to terms with that.
And then one day someone sees your foot and says “Oh, that’s arthritis. Yeah there’s some meds you can take that will massively reduce pain, swelling, allow you to run and stand whenever you want. Just gotta find a doc to help with it.”
Are you going to keep running on that foot? Or is it even the slightest bit worth it to try and get a little relief after suffering for so long?
Oh, I get it, and you are right. But my fundamentally illogical brain worries that whatever it is that makes me special, why and how I do the things I do, may have come from the coping mechanisms I’ve developed. I kinda like the atypical way I tend to look at things, and it’s taken me far both personally and professionally. I struggle like mad every day but if that struggle is what makes me, me. I’ll take it.
Honestly, the only reason I’d get diagnosed at this point is an explanation, I wouldn’t likely change much about myself either way; so I don’t bother. I also went through all the early 1980’s ADD testing (before ADHD was even a thing) as a kid which came back negative (or at least that ritalin was ineffective for me); so I always just lived my life as I am who I am, no explanation needed.
I’ve known for a long time I should try to get a diagnosis but I’m afraid of changing now that I’ve spent 40+ years figuring out how to live.
Think of it like this.
Your whole life your foot has been getting more and more swollen. You don’t know why. It impedes every facet of your life but it’s never consistent. Some days it is swollen and hard to run on. Other days you can sprint no problem but standing still is what hurts. Other days it is killing you no matter what you do. But you push on and over years you learn to adapt, humans are good at that. You find ways to relieve the pressure when the standing days happen, find ways to keep running even if you want to tear off your limb. You get through it. You make do. You’re never comfortable, you’re never fine, you’re never completely okay but you make do and you’ve come to terms with that.
And then one day someone sees your foot and says “Oh, that’s arthritis. Yeah there’s some meds you can take that will massively reduce pain, swelling, allow you to run and stand whenever you want. Just gotta find a doc to help with it.”
Are you going to keep running on that foot? Or is it even the slightest bit worth it to try and get a little relief after suffering for so long?
Oh, I get it, and you are right. But my fundamentally illogical brain worries that whatever it is that makes me special, why and how I do the things I do, may have come from the coping mechanisms I’ve developed. I kinda like the atypical way I tend to look at things, and it’s taken me far both personally and professionally. I struggle like mad every day but if that struggle is what makes me, me. I’ll take it.
Honestly, the only reason I’d get diagnosed at this point is an explanation, I wouldn’t likely change much about myself either way; so I don’t bother. I also went through all the early 1980’s ADD testing (before ADHD was even a thing) as a kid which came back negative (or at least that ritalin was ineffective for me); so I always just lived my life as I am who I am, no explanation needed.