I imagine most disabilities are like this, much worse for some, but it really frustrates me that to cope with ADHD we need to have a whole second job.
Make ToDos, exercise, take medicines, manage emotions, follow a whole check list of things to do to get your attention back to your work, constantly test and try new methods to see what works and what doesn’t, handle the anxiety that comes with not being able to do work, constantly think about how you can improve something.
It doesn’t help that the coping itself takes up valuable processing space that should have been in use for something more important.
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Very relatable. One thing that helps some people is treating the “second job” like any job: cut the tasks, not just push harder (I’m on a medical editorial team that writes about ADHD, so general ideas, take what fits):
- Pick 2-3 systems, drop the rest. A calendar with alarms, one capture inbox (notes app or paper) and a weekly 15-minute review cover most of it. Ten half-used apps are their own workload.
- Automate the boring part. Auto-pay bills, recurring reminders, pill organiser or a phone alarm for meds, groceries on repeat order. Every decision you never have to make again is attention saved.
- Make the environment do the work. Keys always in one bowl, a “launch pad” by the door, the gym bag already packed. Less remembering, more defaults.
- Protect sleep first. Short sleep makes every ADHD symptom worse the next day, so a fixed wind-down alarm often pays back more than another productivity trick.
- Body doubling and external accountability (a friend, a coworking call) can replace a lot of willpower.
And it is fair to be frustrated. It is real extra work that other people don’t see.
My take is that is kind of a thing that got sold on us a lot: that somehow we’ve got to fix ourselves, and it is our own responsibility to do so. Nothing about our modern world resembles of what these adaptations arose for, and that kind of sucks. I think that we need to be vocal that people are different, and that “self-improvement” and “life-long learning” is a myth. Of course people can improve over time, but most of us neurodivergent people got it to be a requirement for bare functioning.
I recently came up with a concept of crysis days: the day, when I pull the handbreak, and just allow my hyperfocus and restlessness to vent at least somewhere. I am experimenting with it, trying to accumulate some information that I can make decision on. Though I think this is a core of things that all of us neurodivergent people need: a space to be ourselves. Sometimes restless, sometimes emotional, sometimes just disconnected.
In my case it’s a first job.
Before being diagnosed I didn’t even realize it wasn’t normal to require 85%+ of your mental focus just to pay attention to the thing you’re doing, rather than using it to actually do what you’re doing.
What do you mean investing in your hobbies shouldn’t feel like the mental equivalent to holding your hand on a hot stove???
Personally I try not to let it get me down. My ADHD allowed me to learn many things that most people would never try or be interested in. It’s a way to branch out.
Is it frustrating as fuck some days? Yes. But how many other people at my job got super focus one day and learned another programming language? Not many lol
you forgot the part where no one understands this and just thinks you’re lazy
The worst is when you don’t understand it and think your lazy.
you forgot
they have adhd, of course they forgot ;-)
1000000% fucking true.
worse when you also have autism and GAD, the fuckng trifecta lol.
It’s a full time job with unpaid overtime.
Yep, it’s a hard job to work.
Feel you pal, just finished a mental boom and now there is a bunch of work to do still. This sucks.
Just don’t do any of those things
