• @Atlas_@lemmy.world
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    682 days ago

    First, 100% a red flag. Even if they wanted to give some sort of “I trust you with my life” sort of video, there’s a bunch of better ways to do it. Going for a racist rant makes me think that they’re a racist.

    Secondly, this is deeply submissive - they’re giving you the power to ruin their life. If you want to do that sort of stuff as a couple you should really talk about it first and be on board with receiving that sort of power and responsibility. Entirely possible+reasonable for the receiver to find this shitty because they don’t want to make a choice like this, especially if these are truly held beliefs.

    The healthy response to this is to send them to a therapist. And definitely dump them if they’re actually racist.

    • @Clent@lemmy.world
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      182 days ago

      I don’t see how someone could do a racist rant and not be racist. That it is a rant is an important word here.

          • @ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca
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            224 hours ago

            I think taking any random problem and putting blame on a group of people would be racist. I could spruce it up with the term “nipper” or “kike” and most people would find it racist

            I suppose you just don’t find anything racist if you can’t come up with it

              • @ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca
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                18 hours ago

                You’re saying a non-racist person couldn’t say anything racist

                The only way to argue that is if they don’t know what is racist

          • @gamermanh@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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            1124 hours ago

            I can (and have, many times) dropped a hard-r for comedic effect, even around my black friends, as they have the context to know that I’m not actually the kind of person to use that word normally

            If I was recorded and shared to the internet doing so free of context, I would be labelled as a racist shithead immediately and forever

            • @Clent@lemmy.world
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              320 hours ago

              Is that the situation here? It is not.

              Everyone wanting to give the benefit of the doubt here gives racists room to exist.

              • That’s how I read it, yes. But we obviously don’t have enough context to say whether the GF is actually racist or just pretending to be as a crazy trust exercise. I’m taking it as a crazy trust exercise because that’s the only way this could fit any definition of “romantic.”

    • I Cast Fist
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      11 day ago

      Subby racist? She clearly wants the colored dick “forced” on her

  • 🔍🦘🛎
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    352 days ago

    ITT: Everyone taking a shitpost from reddit posted to Funny@sh.itjust.works seriously

    Also: both romantic and a red flag

    • @DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social
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      2 days ago

      Nah, if it was real they’re either fucked in the head about romance or feeling them out with deniability. Just a red flag in superposition between different warnings.

      Plus you’ll note there isn’t anything in there about not believing what she said. Just the nonsense about trust.

  • @reddwarf@feddit.nl
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    432 days ago

    I have a fleeting suspicion that this girl now thinks, because of her own action, she can do this to you now as well. OP, be careful what you share with her because ruining someones life is an option in her book…

  • NutWrench
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    810 hours ago

    I think a bot is Karma farming by asking stupid questions. “Should I hit myself in the nuts with a mallet? Is sulphuric acid safe to drink? Should < horrible red flag behavior in a partner > be a cause for concern?”

    • Dyskolos
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      39 hours ago

      I think a bot is Karma-farming by criticising I think a bot is Karma farming by asking stupid questions. "Should I hit myself in the nuts with a mallet? Is sulphuric acid safe to drink?..

      JK. You’re probably right. But chin up, it will only get worse 😁

  • @Jimmycrackcrack@lemmy.ml
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    112 days ago

    Sounds romantically intended with some really fucked up and distorted ideas mixed in. I’ll take as given that she doesn’t actually hold any of the racism she expressed as sincere beliefs. Part of you twigged that though she seemed to be trying to be nice in a really weird way, something seemed off and it is a bit off. If you imagine she mailed you a knife and a key to her house and said now you have the power to attack me and I’m vulnerable you’d probably see much more clearly and obviously how unromantic and off-putting and psychotic that is despite following a very similar logic.

    In both these scenarios she’s putting her life in your hands to demonstrate trust, but there’s an implicit suggestion there that you would or could ever do something like that and only don’t because of your undying devotion. There’s a kind of twisted view of humanity there that that ruining someone’s life on purpose with kompromat is something people generally do to one another but for the power love to zovercome it. It’s sort of a red flag that she might think that way but really you know her better than any of us and also whether you think she’s good for you. That she decided this would be a good idea and a nice birthday gift is disturbing enough that it’s probably worth bringing up though. I think if it was me I’d probably express appreciation for the sentiment but also delete the video and tell them I had done so. Unfortunately you could never prove that you have deleted it so her messed up little game will always work in the manner that she intended but the extent to which this is something to worry about long term is something you can evaluate from her reaction to this news and your explanation of why it didn’t feel right. Sometimes people do dumb shit, especially when they think they’ve spotted an opportunity for comedy and can’t see their actions in a different light until after they’ve done the stupid thing. There’s a chance here for this stupid thing to be a memory between just the two of you that neither of you has to worry about again so long as you point out that it wasn’t as romantic as she thought it was and also delete whatever email or communication was used to send the video plus the video itself. If she’s able to feel a bit embarrassed and move on you’re probably fine, if she digs in and gets offended and tries to play similar fucked up games, then you might want to consider getting out before things escalate.

    • @bane_killgrind@slrpnk.net
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      52 days ago

      I think the crux of it will be, would she respect OP’s refusal to have that kind of power over her, and would she expect some sort of reciprocal act for some MAD outcome.

      I’d wonder where she got ideas like that and find out if it’s an integral part of her life.

  • shoulderoforion
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    262 days ago

    They say never stick your dick in crazy, but from my experience, that’s where the best stuff is, but you gotta know, there’s a shelf life to flirting with insanity, you gotta know when to get out, or else you’re just in for life changing pain. This sounds a bit outside comfort levels for me, and I’d be looking for the out door.

    • Biskii
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      152 days ago

      I’d be looking for the out door.

      She literally gave it to him

  • @dingdongitsabear@lemmy.ml
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    1062 days ago

    Obligatory “this some young people shit”.

    Young people do and say stupid shit to come off as edgy and the vast majority of them don’t actually mean it and regret it later in life.

    As to your question, that’s why you date people, to see if they’re good, for you and otherwise. You don’t go “red flag!” -> napalm!!!, you evaluate contexts and repeat occurrences of perceived wrongs.

    • Sure, but this is also a weird miscommunication. Why do this crazy trust exercise when you can instead have honest conversations? This sounds like the relationship is going to be based on proving yourself to the other instead of genuinely getting to know them.

      If I received this, I’d show them me deleting it from all my devices and ask them to never do anything like that again, because you never know what could be exposed in a breach. I’d also tell them if any of that was genuine, we would need to end the relationship.

    • @Blum0108@lemmy.world
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      272 days ago

      That being said, it’s a huge red flag and you don’t need a repeat occurrence to end the relationship.

    • @explodicle@sh.itjust.works
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      29 hours ago

      My spouse and I have been married 15 years and I still don’t share my GPG passphrase. Whoever says “you can’t have secrets” is weird and controlling.

  • @boreengreen@lemm.ee
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    332 days ago

    Sounds like she is making a “joke” in poor taste while also fishing for your take on the things she is joking about.

    or perhaps it’s something sexual. Power imbalance Idk.

  • hissing meerkat
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    882 days ago

    A red flag.

    Sharing dangerous ideas with somebody to show that you think they are safe is an honest signal of trust, but only if the dangerous ideas are genuine.

    Someone who attempts to buy trust disingenuously is not to be trusted.

    Someone who thinks in terms of kompromat and manipulation is dangerous to be around.