this happens in a public park.

first time this happens to me afaik. I was just stretching with black leggings and a t-shirt. I noticed him 100 yards away walking around but always looking at me. Upon making eye contact he would look away but as soon as I turned to stretching, he’d look at me.

He started slowly approaching me and at one point stood at like 15 yards from me, but still separated by a fence. At that point I decided to cut my work out short and left avoiding eye contact.

I consider myself lucky because he didn’t follow me.

What scared me the most is he was bigger and taller than me.

If this ever happened to you, how did you react? How do I react next time this happens?

  • cabbage
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    162 days ago

    If you’re alone and/or feeling potentially unsafe, you did the right thing no question. Prevent the situation from escalating, get away, leave him to his daily routine of making people feel uncomfortable.

    If you have a greater audience and you’re in a safer setting, you could consider calling him out. Make eye contact, flip him off, make him know he is not being appreciated. That could be a learning moment, but it could also be the moment when he starts giving you extra attention as you have acknowledged his existence and/or hurt his ego. So it could go both ways and should never be attempted without bystanders.

    In a setting where you’re in a mixed gender group, make a male friend aware of the situation and ask them if they could go tell the creep that they’re making you uncomfortable. Men are sadly more likely to believe that their behaviour is creepy when it’s coming from other men, in my experience.

    Raising awareness of the issue in general is good, and judging by the comment section here so far there’s not all that much of it around. So that’s also something. I think this is really a question that should go out to men more than to women - what should we do when we observe men making women feel uncomfortable? How can we react in a constructive manner?

  • @db2@lemmy.world
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    21 day ago

    At first I was like there’s nothing wrong with looking, but it went beyond looking. Does the park have cameras? If not, consider bringing one or two but actually take the time to make them functional to a cloud dvr of some kind. Then place them in super obvious places by you.

    It sucks to need to do extra things but it’s better to be safe regardless.

  • @sunbrrnslapper@lemmy.world
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    242 days ago

    I know this isn’t an awesome answer, but safety is more important than standing your feminist ground sometimes: either go to another yoga class or bring a friend. It sux to rearrange your life because of some weirdo, but less than being attacked. Also, consider keeping mace or a whistle on you in case there is a confrontation.

  • @foggy@lemmy.world
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    82 days ago

    Fart loudly? Idk.

    So this answer might come off the wrong way. I wanna start by saying that the reality sucks, and I’m sorry it’s that way and we should all work to better it. That having been said…

    A conventionally attractive woman in yoga pants doing yoga in public will catch eyes like a man wearing a speedo at a water park. It’s stupid, it sucks, but it is what it is. The best way to avoid it is unfortunately to not do it. Especially if that gawking is feeling like more than gawking, and you’re concerned for your safety.

    • cabbage
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      172 days ago

      Strong disagree on the whole giving up part.

      Looking over briefly and not as subtly as one would maybe have hoped is normal behaviour. Coming up and staring is not.

      Sadly, if there was an easy solution to this problem we would all have been well aware of it by now. But giving the world up to the creeps is not the right way to go - they will keep going at it forever, shrinking in women’s freedoms little by little until there’s nothing left and women won’t be allowed to leave the fucking house without a man any more. We’ve seen it happen, anyone who thinks America is any better should take a second look at it.

  • NoFuckingWaynado
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    442 days ago

    If it’s typically sunny where you yoga, wear a mirror ball bodysuit. Anyone that stares will get an eye full of glorious sunbeams.

    Alternatively, get a big, well-trained dog. The kind that will orbit you closely without a leash.

    • @QuarterSwede@lemmy.world
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      131 day ago

      If I were a woman this is what I’d do. Great, loyal animal, that will give you peace of mind knowing they’ll keep the creeps away.

  • @Shortstack@reddthat.com
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    1622 days ago

    Lots of people giving advice here, but I’m not seeing the most important advice being emphasized.

    Always trust your gut. Listen to that uneasy feeling and act on it.

    We developed this intuition over millennia for a reason. Your subconscious will pick up on cues even if you consciously aren’t catching it.

      • @ormr@lemm.ee
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        131 day ago

        Yes that moral imbalance also striked me when reading this. When grandma has a gut feeling towards brown people and talks about that, she’d be called a bigot here. But when it’s about men, the highest upvoted advice is to listen to the feeling of fear in your gut…

        • @Droechai@lemm.ee
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          216 hours ago

          If people only listened to their gut all people from a different culture which similar but not same body language as well as people with a disability would be even more estranged than today.

          What does your gut tell you about the guy in line at the tell who keeps his hand in his pockets and fiddling with something who then seem to panic a bit when someone tries to look him in the eyes? Is it a robber or an autistic person who don’t want to show his hand due to having a stim toy and have learned to not stim in public view?

      • @Shortstack@reddthat.com
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        391 day ago

        Pulling out your gun and shooting the brown skinned dude going for a jog is a little bit different than packing it in and resolving to do yoga another day

    • @kambusha@sh.itjust.works
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      391 day ago

      The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker is a book about exactly this. It’s definitely worth a read, and his methods have been used by countless celebrities & public figures to assess threats.

      • @Shortstack@reddthat.com
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        111 day ago

        You got me, this is what I’m referencing.

        If the topic of books comes up in conversation with random people I always recommend it if that’s the only book they read in their lifetime

  • @Sergio@slrpnk.net
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    102 days ago

    You did the right thing: you kept an eye on your environment, and you had an exit plan.

  • kora
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    52 days ago

    Give em a toot n’ wink 😉

    But in all seriousness, if there were other women around then call that shit out. If its just you stay safe and call a friend/pretend that they’re meeting you.

  • Flax
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    62 days ago

    Excrete explosive diarrhoea on the spot, and film it and put it on a prank channel on youtube.

  • MrsDoyle
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    371 day ago

    If you have your phone with you, try and get a photo of him. It sucks that you had to cut short your workout. It may be that what you experienced as “staring”, he thought of as “looking” - men can be oblivious to how they are perceived - but that’s no excuse.

    I remember this one guy telling a bunch of us how he’d “helped” a woman late one night, by walking behind her on a deserted street, “to see that no harm came to her”. Boy did we lay into him. In the end he understood that a) he had actually stalked this poor woman and b) next time he should cross the road so she had one less thing to worry about. What a dipshit.

        • @Free_Opinions@feddit.uk
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          18 hours ago

          No, but intentions matter. Autistic people are often socially awkward, blunt or clunky as well, but you wouldn’t call them a dipshit because of it, would you?

      • MrsDoyle
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        417 hours ago

        His lack of insight makes him a dipshit. Cishet, neurotypical, yet he was unable to see the situation from the woman’s point of view.

  • lurch (he/him)
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    122 days ago

    if he just watches, it’s harmless. maybe annoying for you, if you dislike being watched. you don’t know his intentions. maybe he was just getting closer to cheer or something.

    also, wanting to have sex is on it’s own also harmless and natural. doesn’t mean he’s a rapist.

    i think his actions do not necessarily call for a reaction. just, as you also felt uncomfortable, you did the right thing. it’s public space, so even if it’s rude, everyone can stare at whomever they want. you always risk being exposed to rude people when you do things in public. sometimes the best thing you can do is just leave. But if you’re not alone, you can call him out to find out more about his intentions. Maybe he’s chill and will change his behaviour once he’s aware it makes others feel uncomfortable or even threatened.

    • Flax
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      12 days ago

      Matthew 5:27-30 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”

      • originalucifer
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        182 days ago

        theres something terribly gross about using the bible as a rape deterrent… ya know, considering all the condoned rape and murder by that ‘god’

        god kills more humans than any other entity in that tome

      • NoIWontPickAName
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        61 day ago

        Matthew 15:11. ESV it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person." NIV What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them."

        • Flax
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          218 hours ago

          Okay. Keep creeping on women, then