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This reads a bit like satire. Really good satire!
The “girlfriend-zone” is a word im stealing from this…
Oh, it’s definitely satire, making fun of “nice guys” who complain that they’ve been “friendzoned”.
The horror, friendship!
but I’m NICE! How couldn’t she love me?
Congrats on meeting the bare minimum of being a decent human, fucko.
Also so often they aren’t nice, they just think they are.
But for real. Wash frequently, groom yourself, get out of the house, and start making platonic friends. From there learn to flirt. Oh also, acknowledge the reality of how attractive you are and while it’s totally cool to shoot above your range, accept that you’re probably going to get someone similarly desirable to you. Oh and get your mental and emotional health under a certain level of control, emotional labor is part of a relationship but so often I see lonely people seeking codependency.
I was once a weirdo loser who couldn’t get a partner, and anyone who can’t do the above needs to take a good long look at why and resolve those issues. If you can’t be happy single a relationship won’t make you happier, they’re more of happiness multipliers.
get out of the house,
But the sun is out there. I think I’ll stay where the giant nuclear fusion reactor can’t see me
Join us vampires by only going out at night
Be interesting and affable don’t be boring and mean.
Yup, you’re nice but are you interesting and fun to hang with?
Hopefully as they age they realize the friend zone never existed and these people either never saw them as potential mates/dates or they did and the guy did something to change that.
Eh i would say the friend zone absolutely exists.
My wife tried to friend zone me early in our relationship. She wanted to date around and still be friends with me. I told her that wasnt ok with me because i had stronger feelings for her than that and id be miserable. I cut ties.
A few months later she asked me on a date out of the blue. I spoke my peace that to me, this was a real date. Well, that was almost 13 years ago and we just had our 9th wedding anniversary
I refer you to the second part “or the guy did something to change that”. You walking away made her reconsider how she valued you.
I did something similar with a women I felt strongly about. I shot my shot and I got something like “I don’t know if I want to be with anyone right now. Not even like a hook up.” as an answer. I obviosuly took that as a “No” and let the subject drop. I wasn’t angry or outraged that she didn’t give me the answer I wanted. Disappointed, yes. Maybe even a bit sad.
But I harbored no animosity towards her. She didn’t owe me a fucking thing. But I did believe it wasn’t fair to myself or her to try to maintain a friendship when it was always going to be colored by my romantic interest in her. It didn’t feel honest. So I quietly let it and her go.
About 8 months later, she found out I was leaving town for another city. She showed up at my job and basically begged me to get into her car. We drove around for a couple of hours while she brought up all the silly shit we used to joke about like running away to Europe together and similar while all but pleading with me to stay.
I had found out months back that she was sleeping around with practically all my male friends the entire time I was chasing her and even after turning me down. I reiterate that she didn’t owe me anything but I felt so god damn disrespected and foolish. I just calmly said that my leaving town was set in stone and that I was seeing somebody. She didn’t take it well and I legitimately thought she was going to drive us off a bridge a few times.
Tl;dr Had a crush on a girl and got turned down. End friendship because I don’t want to get hurt when she sees other men. Girl comes back later begging me to stay when she finds out I’m leaving town. Doesn’t know that I know she’s been fucking around with my friends during the entirety of our friendship and thereafter. Tell her no and she activates berserker mode.
She’s being too nice.
It’s the Fuck Zone,and too many guys put all the women in it who aren’t in the Mom Zone or the Bitch Zone (and there’s some overlap there).
just don’t break both your arms, apparently that causes an expansion of the fuck zone
I think it is satire… I realized once I read the bolded “it’s just how they’re wired, biologically.” But yes indeed, very good satire.
It’s both satire and a reversal of the same experience.
Do what I do: Be fat and ugly. Not only will you not be in the girlfriend zone, men will go out of their way to make sure you know they “don’t see you that way” regardless if you were interested or not.
Oof.
And that username; double oof.
Yey to us fat chicks! for real when I was super fit and beatiful having friends was hard, even at work! Now that I’m fat I’m much more relaxed, have a nice mixed (men and women) group of friends and don’t worry about bosses wanting to fuck me
Edit: Also I want to add 2 things for the younger ones:
-
A bad relationship is worst than no relationship
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If you are not happy and confortable by yourself you’ll never be happy with someone else
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I don’t think I’m fat and ugly but I did start putting out mad lesbian energy (I’m queer but not strictly into any one gender) and men now just think I won’t be into them either way so they just talk to me like a human. To think of all the friendships I lost to shitty guys in my 20s when I could’ve just said I was gay the whole time…
I have an opposite problem. When I (I’m a guy btw) was in school, I sometimes just want to have friends but whenever I talked to girls, I worry that girls would just think I have some other motive (which it seems to me like every boy in my class do just want romantic relationships). Like maybe I’m asexual/aromantic, but I never wanted those types of relationships, I prefer a long lasting friendship.
(I don’t have much friends either way, regardless of gender; current amount of friends is: zero; because I just stopped talking to people after highschool, oh well 🤷♂️)
I (straight male) always found it easy to connect with girls, but I was also raised in a very feminist family (despite my mother being nominally conservative).
Dating is a lot of work and vulnerability and an attempt at ‘clicking’ on many more levels than friendship. It definitely wasn’t that I wasn’t interested in dating (I very much was), but ‘Gorl fun AND pretty’ just wasn’t enough to automatically spark my interest in romance. ‘Gorl fun’ meant possible friend; ‘Gorl pretty’ was most girls, because girls pretty.
I got spontaneously voted the most handsome boy in the class when I was in 10th grade though. Always burnished that particular memory on the Altar of Ego.
God, that final bit. I was a resident assistant for my dorm in college for a year. Didn’t date anyone that year. Had plenty of crushes, including plenty from the dorm. At the end of the year, my coworkers (female RAs) were like, “yeah we were all so surprised you didn’t go out with anyone, like, half the girls here were in love with you.” And I just stared into the middle distance, “and you didn’t think to tell me???”
“We thought you knew!”
“I DID NOT”
How were you supposed to know? If half the girls acted the same then how could you know that anything was afoot?
Never really thought about it that way, but that’s a decent point.
Gender norms make things so fucking hard XD
Yeah. It all worked out. Married a nice person, have a kid, the whole deal. But god I could not read the room for YEARS.
It can get really confusing. I was one of the only out bisexual guys at my school in the 1990s. In my senior year there were two girls who individually always expressed a desire to hang out and talk but took none of the opportunities offered to do exactly this. I was confused because they were both stunning and always kind of weird around me so I couldn’t figure out what they wanted because it clearly wasn’t a relationship (Im not stunning). That was 30 years ago. Both are married to lovely women and have been out for decades now. What they wanted to talk about was how I knew I wasn’t straight. I wasn’t able to figure that out even though I knew they weren’t into me because reading the room has always been a challenge.
Was your grandma allowed to vote, and how many times did she vote? I kid ;)
Vote early, vote often!
I ended up marrying my best (girl)friend from high school. We both went into it wanting friendship, were attracted to each other (while in relationships), and ended up getting pushed together by a mutual former friend.
I honestly think this was the best way for this to develop, because we were already close and good friends before we dated, and didn’t try to make a relationship out of it.
Hey, as a flavour of aro ace myself the feelings of not wanting those types of relationships and not knowing specifically took a long time to figure out. If you want to talk about it, you can DM me or come over to !asexual@lemmy.world or !asexual@lemmy.blahaj.zone there are slao aromantic communities on lemmy as well.
If you can afford it get therapy. You show some social anxiety here and that can be addressed.
That was pretty much it for me with a few different female friends. It wasn’t so much “hey you’re hot and I wanna sleep with you rather than just be friends” it was “hey, I really enjoy spending time with you and I’m happy being around you, but I’ve been down this road before and I know it probably ends when you get a new boyfriend so… maybe I can be that boyfriend and we can continue to enjoy spending time together”
Same man. A lot of this just boils down to poor communication between the sexes
This a premium shitpost. I fucking love it
Hits too close to truth to qualify for a shitpost. And I am saying that as a man, observing…
Who says satire/shitpostery can’t cut close to the bone? The best ones are the ones that make us evaluate ourselves under a critical lens.
I don’t dispute the point for satire, but shitposts never struck me as being concerned with reality… Maybe I just misunderstand the genre.
Yeah, I’m with you. My understanding of the term “shitpost” is that it’s, by definition, low-effort and/or low-quality.
I hate that this is satire but also pretty much true. Men are not generally socialized to recognize uncomplicated, unsexual fondness for a woman.
On the flipside it was very difficult as a nerdy nice guy to get some women to understand that when I said lets do x I really meant as friends because not everyone is actually sexually interested in you. Sometimes I just wanted to see a movie with someone I thought was a friend
Yeah! It’s an intersectional, social issue. I’ve had just a couple woman adamantly insist to me that men could not be friends with women, in a completely platonic way.
I think they are wrong, in an absolute sense, but in popular Western society, they are right 8 times out of 10.
The thing about socialization is that it’s ongoing throughout life. A guy having male friends who can tell him “idk bro sounds like platonic affection” can help him learn even as an adult
I very much agree. I had to be told this, myself, before I really understood that I’d allowed a toxic sort of personality trait to cultivate.
Eh, I’m just aplatonic. I don’t get anything from friendship and I generally don’t understand it. It makes it very difficult to date.
Do you mean aplotinic with promising sexual partners (presumably women)? or, are you generally aplotinic, as in you lack interest in friendships with anyone?
Solution: Be unattractive.
Alternate solution: don’t be attractive
Girl needs a gayfriend.
Gay dudes get all the ladies.
Perhaps instead of teasing the queer kids in highschool, Chad’s shoulda been taking notes.
And every chad should have a gay guy friend. The women will always be around. The law of averages says the chad will end up with lots of options that find him desirable. Plus having a gay guy friend will likely improve said chad in various ways that most women like.
this actually sounds like a good idea.
Your comment reminded me of this SNL skit, straight male friend : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA0PwmQMVG8
I love friend-zoning people. I’ve got, like, ten friends meow.
Make sure to check the food supplies though. Starvation is the highest risk when overcrowding the friendzone.
Oh… shhhhiiiiiiiiiiit…
Hot girl problems. It’s a real thing and leads to a tremendous amount of loneliness for them. If you are very clear and the guys aren’t all invested already, then it’s a great way to start a legit friendship. Problem is that with a lot of cute girls, they have had so many bad experiences with guys putting them in the girlfriend zone that they just end up jaded.
It’s our responsibility as individuals never to get jaded, and also to be honest with ourselves about what kind of energy are we putting out there. Is the OP crossing boundaries with these guys, suggesting they may become more by accepting their overly nice gestures, actions, texts and gifts? If not, then it’s the guys fault.
She could always make some girl friends but we all know how difficult THAT is. Hot women need some accountabilityv though if they’re ever going to get out of this rut
This comments section stinks of Old Spice.
be gay
That has mixed success for various women in my experience.
dark
“I’m so nice to these lizardbrains” Sure, sweetheart
You sound like you put girls in the girlfriend-zone
I’m married, but nice try
Ah, the wife zone, an advanced level technique.
Only for experts
Isn’t the wife-zone just an overlap of the mom- and fuck-zone?
Calm down, Dr. Freud
I’m guessing most of the younger crowd here has never seen When Harry Met Sally.
I wonder if she’s an egg or at least a lesbian
Don’t have to be either to want opposite sex friends who are just friends.
I think she’s just hot and trying to make friends. Like, I know lesbians with similar experiences and I’ve met trans men who put out in order to get to be friends with guys before transitioning, but I’ve met plenty of cishet women who thought they’d made a cool new friend only to have him hit on her and break off the friendship over it
I wish people would put me in the girlfriend zone ( I’m a man)
Or the freindzonr would be nice too.
