The essence to holding a conversation is to show interest in the topic. There are two ways this is done:
If you have familiarity (whether vague or intimate) with the topic, engage in it and share your own views and experiences.
If you have no fucking idea on the topic, then ask the other person to teach you about it.
Bonus: If you are a guy and you are looking to get lucky, whatever topic the young lady/gentlemen/non-binary broaches should become the ABSOLUTE MOST interesting thing in the world to you.
Bonus: If you are a guy and you are looking to get lucky, whatever topic the young lady/gentlemen/non-binary broaches should become the ABSOLUTE MOST interesting thing in the world to you.
There are two factors for making connections through conversation. You’ve pretty much nailed the “showing interest” part.
But don’t forget, in addition to needing to show that you are interested, you need to show that you are interesting, too.
A good conversation will have some back and forth between both sides, on both factors. So merely showing interest may sometimes be counterproductive if you can’t tie that intense interest into something to reveal about an interesting side of yourself.
For example:
Statement: “I went to France last summer.”
Good response: “Ooh, that’s really cool, what were your favorite things you did?”
Better response: “Ooh, that’s really cool, I’ve always wanted to go. What recommendations do you have for places and things that I absolutely must experience?”
Similarly, tying things back to your own experiences may be helpful at generating some of that back and forth, even on topics that you don’t have any direct knowledge or experience with. For example:
Statement: “I was hesitant about the escargot/snails at first, and there just wasn’t a ton of substance to them, but it was delicious under all that butter anyway.”
Good response: “Wow that sounds like a fun experience, would you do it again?”
Better response: “Wow that sounds fun, so was it like linguine and clams where it’s as much about the flavors that get infused into the butter as it is about the clam itself?”
I know too many people who get stuck in a pure listening mode with strangers and forget to actually show their own personalities and why they’re worth getting to know, too.
I agree with you on that, however, some folks have had issues in volunteering information about themselves. I don’t blame them or look down on them for it as some folks are just shy or introverted. Or they might be more comfortable talking with people they know more intimately.
The basic concept of showing interest in what someone is saying is a good way to at least get through a conversation without making it complete agony.
Don’t forget, there’s two people in this operation. Your speaking partner should also be doing the exact same thing back (showing interest) and picking up on what you are laying down. As such, they should be also asking some questions back to keep the discussion going.
Example:
You: I once took a cooking class that focused on insect based diets!
Me (who has little to contribute on the subject but is still interested in talking with you at this cocktail party): Really? What was your favorite?
You: A burger where the patty was made out of cricket meal! It was almost indistinguishable from a real beef burger.
Me: That’s wild! Were crickets the only thing that they used?
You (picking up that perhaps I have not that much info on insect based diets): Oh no, there were all sorts of other ingredients we used, I just happen to be a fan of burgers. How about you? On burgers?
Me (who can certainly contribute on the subject of burgers): Big fan, actually where I’m from, Halifax, has one of the best burger weeks I’ve ever experienced!
And so we’ve opened up the conversation topics from insect food to burgers, burger week/themed food events, and Halifax/places we are from.
Pretty true just sometimes hard to tow the line of not showing off.
That said I’ve had conversations with people where I said like 10 words that were just interesting questions and the other 99.9% was them talking and vice versa. Sometimes the best and most interesting conversations are just asking great questions, provided the other person really wants to talk about it.
See, that’s not how to hold a conversation.
The essence to holding a conversation is to show interest in the topic. There are two ways this is done:
If you have familiarity (whether vague or intimate) with the topic, engage in it and share your own views and experiences.
If you have no fucking idea on the topic, then ask the other person to teach you about it.
Bonus: If you are a guy and you are looking to get lucky, whatever topic the young lady/gentlemen/non-binary broaches should become the ABSOLUTE MOST interesting thing in the world to you.
Her: “So I’m really into Hitler!”
You: “…uhhhhh…”
Me: Interesting, what’s your opinion on him as an artist? Also were you aware that he only had a one ball sack?
There are two factors for making connections through conversation. You’ve pretty much nailed the “showing interest” part.
But don’t forget, in addition to needing to show that you are interested, you need to show that you are interesting, too.
A good conversation will have some back and forth between both sides, on both factors. So merely showing interest may sometimes be counterproductive if you can’t tie that intense interest into something to reveal about an interesting side of yourself.
For example:
Statement: “I went to France last summer.”
Good response: “Ooh, that’s really cool, what were your favorite things you did?”
Better response: “Ooh, that’s really cool, I’ve always wanted to go. What recommendations do you have for places and things that I absolutely must experience?”
Similarly, tying things back to your own experiences may be helpful at generating some of that back and forth, even on topics that you don’t have any direct knowledge or experience with. For example:
Statement: “I was hesitant about the escargot/snails at first, and there just wasn’t a ton of substance to them, but it was delicious under all that butter anyway.”
Good response: “Wow that sounds like a fun experience, would you do it again?”
Better response: “Wow that sounds fun, so was it like linguine and clams where it’s as much about the flavors that get infused into the butter as it is about the clam itself?”
I know too many people who get stuck in a pure listening mode with strangers and forget to actually show their own personalities and why they’re worth getting to know, too.
I agree with you on that, however, some folks have had issues in volunteering information about themselves. I don’t blame them or look down on them for it as some folks are just shy or introverted. Or they might be more comfortable talking with people they know more intimately.
The basic concept of showing interest in what someone is saying is a good way to at least get through a conversation without making it complete agony.
Don’t forget, there’s two people in this operation. Your speaking partner should also be doing the exact same thing back (showing interest) and picking up on what you are laying down. As such, they should be also asking some questions back to keep the discussion going.
Example:
You: I once took a cooking class that focused on insect based diets!
Me (who has little to contribute on the subject but is still interested in talking with you at this cocktail party): Really? What was your favorite?
You: A burger where the patty was made out of cricket meal! It was almost indistinguishable from a real beef burger.
Me: That’s wild! Were crickets the only thing that they used?
You (picking up that perhaps I have not that much info on insect based diets): Oh no, there were all sorts of other ingredients we used, I just happen to be a fan of burgers. How about you? On burgers?
Me (who can certainly contribute on the subject of burgers): Big fan, actually where I’m from, Halifax, has one of the best burger weeks I’ve ever experienced!
And so we’ve opened up the conversation topics from insect food to burgers, burger week/themed food events, and Halifax/places we are from.
Pretty true just sometimes hard to tow the line of not showing off.
That said I’ve had conversations with people where I said like 10 words that were just interesting questions and the other 99.9% was them talking and vice versa. Sometimes the best and most interesting conversations are just asking great questions, provided the other person really wants to talk about it.