I could never put word on my feelings as a child to be honest.
As a kid I think I wanted to be seen as a boy, never really to be seen as something other. Because that what was expected of me?
I had a teenage phase where I really wanted that emo look but never could engage afraid of my father’s disapproval as well as society / school. Now I see this as a way to tend to a more androgynous self and a form of rebellion?
And then I grew up more, dysphoria was there, I thought it was my weight only. But I’ve always felt different from other men. All these boys objectifying girls when I was in middle school. I mean I was interested in them too (but never like this, not this way) and somehow I’ve felt ashamed of being seen a man because of these kind of behavior.
Under is a bit more adult themed so I’ve included a spoiler.
Tap for spoiler
I recall I’ve always picture myself and wanted to be the woman in adult content I consummed. In my teenage years and early adulthood.
My mind never processed that as something other than sexual fantasy. But no, that wasn’t it. That wasn’t only that and I’ve only realised that lately.
Anyway. I don’t see this as typical trans journey?
Maybe I’m trying to find things to justify my transition?
Either way I’m rambling, and in the end transitioning doesn’t need any reason other than the wish to transition.
I don’t know if it’s typical or not, but it definitely matches a lot with my own childhood and young adulthood.
Except I was too scared to stand out so didn’t dare to even consider my appearance. I just wanted to fade into the background and hope the school years would pass by quickly.
I definitely relate to wanting to be seen as a boy when I was younger, even if nobody told me I needed to. I was definitely a goodie-two-shoes who wanted to people please. Same with wanting to be emo, thinking the only body problem my weight, and being ashamed of the way men behaved.
Tap for spoiler
I even relate to picturing myself as the woman, even though I’m not sure if that was always the case
I could never put word on my feelings as a child to be honest. As a kid I think I wanted to be seen as a boy, never really to be seen as something other. Because that what was expected of me?
I had a teenage phase where I really wanted that emo look but never could engage afraid of my father’s disapproval as well as society / school. Now I see this as a way to tend to a more androgynous self and a form of rebellion?
And then I grew up more, dysphoria was there, I thought it was my weight only. But I’ve always felt different from other men. All these boys objectifying girls when I was in middle school. I mean I was interested in them too (but never like this, not this way) and somehow I’ve felt ashamed of being seen a man because of these kind of behavior.
Under is a bit more adult themed so I’ve included a spoiler.
Tap for spoiler
I recall I’ve always picture myself and wanted to be the woman in adult content I consummed. In my teenage years and early adulthood. My mind never processed that as something other than sexual fantasy. But no, that wasn’t it. That wasn’t only that and I’ve only realised that lately.
Anyway. I don’t see this as typical trans journey? Maybe I’m trying to find things to justify my transition?
Either way I’m rambling, and in the end transitioning doesn’t need any reason other than the wish to transition.
I don’t know if it’s typical or not, but it definitely matches a lot with my own childhood and young adulthood.
Except I was too scared to stand out so didn’t dare to even consider my appearance. I just wanted to fade into the background and hope the school years would pass by quickly.
deleted by creator
I definitely relate to wanting to be seen as a boy when I was younger, even if nobody told me I needed to. I was definitely a goodie-two-shoes who wanted to people please. Same with wanting to be emo, thinking the only body problem my weight, and being ashamed of the way men behaved.
Tap for spoiler
I even relate to picturing myself as the woman, even though I’m not sure if that was always the case