Hi all I need a sanity check.
Diagnosed ADD as a kid, struggled to pay attention and care in school, was on concerta for a decade. Parents would up my dose if my grades went down and expected me to grow out of ADD once I turned 18.
That didn’t happen and my life fell apart and I vowed to never take medication again because I saw it as a conspiracy to sell pills and get people messed up in the head.
After 15 years of emotional dysregulation and crippling anxiety I spoke to a dr and tried an extended release amphetamine yesterday.
My whole world changed. No emotional noise, no background feeling of “I’m a bad person and I don’t know why”, social anxiety is gone (was able to respond to all my messages and even make a phone call AND talk to a cashier!!!). Was able to do tasks I left behind because the anxiety to start was too bad.
I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to now. My self confidence is up. I don’t dread things. I woke up calm. My mind used to be a firehose of thoughts and emotions all at max level. Now it’s calm and orderly and logical.
This seems too good to be true. I didn’t even know existence could be like this. Is this normal? Is it the honeymoon phase? Is it just because I’m taking an amphetamine? I’m beside myself and life feels like I’ve got all the cheat codes now. It seems too good to be true.
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For me I’m the opposite. I started years ago with high CBD low THC cannabis which was pretty great compared to baseline nothing but it never did anything for my anxiety. I also am pretty low on the OCD spectrum and I don’t think I have autism. Happy that things are working out for you in a similar manner :) do you vaporize, smoke, edible, tincture, or use concentrates? I’m a big fan of cannabis haha
Yep. There will be dosage adjustments later as you develop a tolerance, but it’s life changing.
One of the things you should be prepared for is grief; being able to function properly on medication made me look back and think what my life could have been like if I had been diagnosed and treated sooner. I had to grieve for the life I missed out on because I didn’t understand how to help my brain function until my 30s.
The grief is honestly one of my biggest fears with starting medication. I don’t want to face that my life could have been so much better.
Of course that’s not a good reason to not seek help logically, but damn if those built in guilt trips and shame aren’t incredibly strong.
The best time to plant a tree is 30 year ago, the second best time is right now.
I did it, I was at peace with the grief after maybe a week. Or at least it wasn’t my biggest problem any more.
Yeah I’m in the process of finding a psychiatrist now. It’s just been difficult fighting my own built-in reluctance.
Thanks :)
My issue was more “getting help with ADHD requires you to fight the effects of ADHD to get appointments and referrals”
In the UK it was impossible. In the Netherlands, the system is more caring.
Don’t let it hold you back, it’s worth it. Grief is a part of growth.
It is my understanding that part of the effect, especially the medically desired effect, does not build (much) of a tolerance. The part that feels like a recreational drug does, but it’ll still regulate noradrenaline in the prefrontal cortex all the same with the starting dose.
These are hard to exactly tell apart, though; it’s a blurry line.
I’m just a tall guy who weighs 200+ lbs. I started at 5mg and built up from there. I guess it wasn’t tolerance so much as adjusting to the dose?
I had a similar experience with Lisdexamphetamine: Started at a ridiculously low dose to make sure I can take it, which surprisingly already had a significant effect for a few hours! Then I worked up to the normal dose over the span 9 - 12 months.
Especially during that time, it felt “too good to be legal”, like you can constantly be on a fantastic recreational drug AND get shit done!
My view of separating “desired medical benefit” and “recreational drug euphoria” is certainly very simplified, and the “recreational” effect also boosts productivity. And it is hard to tell which is which. Maybe I have not even found the perfect medication for myself yet, but it sure is life-changing already.
Ya I’m on the same medication. It feels illegal. It almost feels recreational. I only have ever had psilocybin mushrooms and cannabis before but I’d describe the pill as having a similar head sensation to an edible but more tight and clean if that makes any sense. If cannabis is a fuzzy headband, this pill is like a swim cap.
Fantastic - just like me, then. I used 5 mg to check for intolerance, then stayed around 10 - 15 mg for quite a while.
Initially, the “high” effect was dominant, so it was super easy to get on tasks and finish them, but I still did it in a “silly” or “demented” way, for lack of a better word. As I built tolerance and increased the dose, it started to fix that as well, but the “high” became less and less.
1 1/2 years in now experimenting between 50 mg and 70 mg, it is still fantastic. But I might start experimenting with alternatives. Who knows if the first drug tried is really the best for me?
That’s neat! I get what you mean haha. The first couple hours once it kicks in I do feel high haha. Still on focus though.
Edit 1 month later: I don’t feel high anymore but all the benefits are the same. Woo!
Yes I think so at least for methylphenidate and vyvanse. I also think its important to eat a lot of protein in the morning for vyvanse to gain its potential or it can just not work as it should and people might be tempted to increase dosage with negative consequences.
Thanks for pointing out the potential (?) link to protein! After 1.5 years on it, I fell into the mistake to binge-eat junk food in the evening, which will probably make anyone feel less fit, but I wrongly attributed the following fatigue it to the dose and duration. Others report problems with caffeine.
You’re welcome. Yes I also can’t take caffeine anymore but maybe in a few months I will try. Regarding protein my dosage keeps me focused for only 6-7 hours at most if I don’t breakfast a good amount of protein (20-30g). With protein it is 12-13 hours. The med needs and benefits from protein to work on its highest potential. I suggest: Ask your LLM for details.
Tricks to keep a long duration are definitely a thing, and I want to find them all. One of the most important for me is to eat and rest as if I did NOT take meds, even though they suppress fatigue and hunger.
I can do a 3 hour cleaning spree and then collapse, or force regular rests even when I feel “full power”, just because the clock says so, and then keep doing 30 hour intervals all day long.
Ya I heard that it’s possible that one may go through a grief stage. I haven’t felt it yet thankfully. I think about all the missed potential but in the end, I lived my life on hard difficulty, still made friends and memories and did cool experiences. I’m trying to frame it as “sure on paper you may have lost a decade and a half, but it took that time to come here and now the world is an oyster and you’re hungry af”.
I appreciate the advice from you 😊 it’s all relative since bodies are all different but approximately how long did it take for ya to require a dosage increase? I’m on day 2 and I’m all clammy and gross feeling due to the side effects haha. I can’t imagine taking a larger dose anytime soon
I slowly built up over a couple years, then when I quit drinking I was able to reduce down to just over half my top dose.
Neat! Thanks for sharing
yeppp, i was late-dx and when i first got put on rits about 90% of my anxiety dissolved and i was walking around like “holy shit…is this what normal people feel like?? they just get this shit for free?!”
it was just mind-blowing to me that i could finally follow a train of thought and not be constantly overwhelmed by brain noise and other people just… didn’t have that going on at all
The biggest thing for me was honestly just walking past a piece of trash or something that fell on the floor and just… Picking it up. Nothing groundbreaking or momentous. A simple action. An action that everyone else seems to do with no issues. There was no internal debate or fight with myself to pick it up. Just “oh, lemme grab that as I’m walking past.”
Echoing the life-changing experience everyone else has shared.
But what I don’t see mentioned (or I just missed it) is don’t squander this time! You need to use this clarity to start to build routines and structure in your life, because if/when the meds fade, be it because you need a holiday, or other medical conditions necessitate stopping, or your insurance stops covering your meds, or…, those routines are structures are going to be incredibly important.
Think of it this way: the meds are a high-end power tool that finally makes doing the work of living possible, but the scaffolding you build now is what keeps the structure standing when the power goes out. The medication gives you the capacity to act, but your systems are what ensure that action isn’t lost if you have to put the tool down.
Very solid advice. My routines are already changing - it keeps me up past midnight if I take it past 9am so a standardized wake up time is already something new. And because I have to be up around 8, my bedtime is also being standardized. I can’t go to bed at 2 or 3 anymore because everything will be thrown off. I’ll take what you said about this though because it’s great advice I hadn’t fully considered
Thanks for sharing! That actually sounds really great.
I’m in my 40s and didn’t even realize that I had ADHD until a few years ago. Between my inhibitions and difficulty starting the conversation, I’ve been unable to get myself medicated.
It’s worth it. And it’s the disease that is convincing you that not treating the disease is the only acceptable path.
This may be one of the few places where people will understand what it’s like to know that all of those things are true, yet STILL be unable to take the actions required to do anything about it.
I put all of this off because it felt impossible. I had all these ideas of how hard it would be. All I did was tell the doctor my daily anxieties and struggles with tasks and then they wrote a prescription. I couldn’t believe it was that effortless.
I made a list of the struggles with everyday things I have and then at my drs appointment I told them and then he wrote a prescription. I’m hoping you can experience what I’m feeling. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so calm and balanced and able. You deserve that.
I know how stupid it sounds, but it’s actually kind of scary to think about my brain not working like it has for the past 40 some years. I know that it’s broken, but I’ve spent so long altering my life to the brokenness, that fixing it makes me nervous.
That’s not stupid at all I felt the exact same way. I was afraid I’d be another person or that I’d lose some key personality traits (like being funny). I take a lot of my humour from pain I experience and make it absurd but my wife says I’m still funny 🤷
Feeling nervous about starting it was the main thing holding me back with my ADHD. And it’s totally valid. But the brain doesn’t know what it can’t imagine. It genuinely feels like I got plopped into a functioning body (albeit a bit clammy and nauseous because I just started meds).
In all honesty starting meds is probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life. I’ve never experienced relief/euphoria/freedom from everything holding me back. I want you and anyone else on the fence about medicating it to know that it’s fucking magical when paired with the right meds. I’m at a loss for words really. Even if I was permanently clammy and sweaty and gross it beats the way I’ve been living own thousand-fold. It’s so effective I had to make a post and see if it’s normal.
I’m hoping you will be able to get what you need. You deserve it
Thanks for the support. I’m already sweaty, so I guess I’ve got nothing to lose!
Haha ya anxiety made me go through shirts FAST. God speed, sweaty one 😎
I went through the test for ADHD. In reality, I check all of the boxes and can related to this forum through and through. The therapist that assessed the results said no and attributed everything to THC and alcohol consumption. It completely discounts the first 30 years of my life, but okay. It cost me about $700 for that info and my official WAIS IQ.
I would love to seek a second opinion, but that’s so much money. I’m thinking of testing the black market but for now I just cope. I envy you and wish you the best.
Fuck I hate doctors like that. I had a doctor some years ago that attributed my anxiety problems to THC as well. Even though I was diagnosed at 11 and only ever tried cannabis at 19. It hurts to read that that whole experience cost you money. $700 is a big chunk. I am hoping you can find another doctor and not have to pay for this sort of testing so that you can see if these medications help you like they have for me.
I finally got my appointment scheduled today to get diagnosed thanks to posts like yours. I didn’t realize I had it til about two years ago and kept putting it off. “What could they really do?” “I’ll work on getting that done after _____” “I’ve got too much on my plate as it is”
But I’ve seen enough posts recently like yours that last night at work I just decided “this is my one thing for in the morning” and I finally did it. And with it scheduled, I can’t miss it. I already feel better that I’m taking steps in that direction. So thank you, and everyone else posting before.
This is wonderful to hear :) for me it was a friend of mine who I hung out with. She was like “YOURE RAW DOGGING LIFE???” and she was so genuinely shocked I wasn’t medicated and it made me wonder if things were so different medicated that would cause her such shock. I see why now.
Just be prepared for some uncomfortable side effects in the first week or two until your body gets used to the medication. I’ve been a bit clammy and my tummy has been a bit weird and my heartbeat has been elevated a bit. All still worth it though.
Good to hear! But my caffeine and nicotine addictions make my tummy off anyways. I’m genuinely excited to see what the other side is like after 41 years. The one thing I hope I don’t lose is the constant music in my head. It really helps get me through boring nights at work.
Oh speaking of addictions, YMMV but I used to use cannabis throughout the day and a ton of it. Since starting meds I haven’t felt any need for it at all and just have it in the evenings if I feel like it. I’ve witnessed a 95% decrease in my cannabis consumption immediately. You may find you no longer want caffeine. I don’t know about nicotine since the addiction is chemical but who knows. Rooting for ya!!!
I’ve been trying to quit both to be an example for my son and his sugar habit. I can’t control what goes on at his mom’s or at school, but it’d be nice to have some help from that. I’ll be sure to post my results when I have any. Thanks for the support!
This is how i feel on that type. My main issue with it is it stifles my creativity. I am lucid, but dull. Kinda of a showstopper for my work, so I save it for high anxiety and/or extra scatterbrained days. Glad it’s working out for you.
I can see how it stifles creativity. I found it weird and harder to make jokes I usually make. But then again everything feels weird and different. Like I have to relearn how to be haha. Do you get any withdrawal when not taking it? The pharmacist said I could take it just on weekdays but online I’m reading that not taking it will cause withdrawal symptoms. Just curious of your experience.
It will take time for you to acclimate. Eventually it will feel natural and you’ll miss it when it wears off. Or at least I did. I don’t have strong withdrawal aside from some crabbiness, but the lucidity made me want to take it every day when i started.
Stimulant medication is the FIRST line of treatment for psychiatrists treating ADHD.
My mind’s blown at how microdosing an amphetamine calms my mind down so fundamentally. Reality isn’t even recongizeable to me anymore.
You’re not crazy. This was my experience as well. I was able to access mental abilities I always suspected I had, but couldn’t leverage or identify before. Sadly, this level of epiphany doesn’t happen for everyone. Feel free to hit me up if you ever want to talk through anything!
Wow this is awesome. I’m so happy that this is possible for people. I feel excited to find out things I didn’t even think I could do.
