I really like how this joke slightly renews itself every year.

Triple dog dare you to stick your tongue on it.

Luckers and soosers.

By having voting day be just one fucking day is already a clear sign the system is stacked against them. Like, what if someone is sick that day and cannot physically get to a polling station? Car broken down? Experiencing the literal birth day of a child. Why not have it be voting week? Voting month? Some kind of available time period that’s more than a single fucking day’s worth of daylight.

Also, the fact that so many jurisdictions have zero interest in alternative, scientifically-proven more democratic, voting methods, like ranked choice or ranked preference or whatever it’s called, and stubbornly stick with the easily-manupulated first past the post method is incredibly telling how rigged against the people the US “democracy” (or republic or whatever symanticism people there prefer) is.

Bring on the delays and public outrage. It’s just about the only thing that’ll force congress to do its job. It’s not like the other unfunded LE agencies will stop doing their thing or the Coast Guard will close down ports or stop rescuing people, despite also being kneecapped by the shutdown.

Exactly. One of the first things I (naively) did as an “adult” after leaving uni was indulge in a set of (discounted) leopard print satin sheets for my brand new adult bed. The novelty very quickly evaporated as the pillows shot out from under my head and the flat sheet levitated itself to the floor within 15 minutes of sliding down to attempt a slumber.

If it’s not wool then gtfo.

Goebbels and his wife chose to poison themselves after murdering their six children a couple days after Hitler blew his own brains out.

The US’s very own Wilhelm Keitel war criminal, but Keitel was at least a general.

Peter knows he’s a fall guy for his lord and master when the war crimes court starts up, right?

“I didn’t know what all Pete was doing- I never told him to do that.”

If any top brass who probably stuck it out for a lot of time, tedium, and bureaucratic BS and probably even worked pretty hard (to finagle some near-impossible tasks without getting caught bending/breaking policy) to become top-top brass actually felt anything but deep resentment and probably hate for this sleazy failed ANG major (a middling paygrade, for those unfamiliar), I would be shocked. Can’t imagine there’s any general or admiral ever enjoying taking orders from a major.

US Active Duty Service Members who weren’t paid on time in early 2019 during Trump 1.0’s first record-breaking government shutdown definitely didn’t feel cared about.

The braindead can’t be woken.

and a famously good lay

Can vouch.

At first glimpse my eyes saw “Portland” and I internally chuckled.

She blew off a dog’s head with a shotgun because it allegedly wouldn’t obey her. I’ve always heard there’s no such thing as a bad dog, just bad owners…

How dare you insult ghouls like that.

Prions are the only protein class that terrify my dreams.

I appreciate the article’s punny title, but they could have taken it further. “Bad Buy Dubai: Private Jet Prices Soar as Wealthy Take Flight from Dubai”

Wonder why the wealthy aren’t interested in private submarines. Seems safer from an escapism and survival perspective and probably cost just as much as a flimsy easy-target Gulfstream.