I’d like to bruise his tenders

Nah, they’re right. Dead people can’t suffer.

His first mistake was going to a dentist who writes “Doctor’s Office” on his door

Bonus points if you scribble in a “le Walmart” with a sharpie

I think I’ve been doing toilet wrong

I know you’re joking but you basically just suggested buying a pack of frozen mixed veggies so you can pick out and use only the carrots for your stew, and the idea of someone actually doing that sends my brain into a tailspin

This is top-tier, well done

If I had a nickel for every time I was troubleshooting with a friend and discovered they thought turning the monitor off and on again was “rebooting the computer” I’d be depressingly wealthy.

How is this substantively different from the original comment?

I love how half of these are just “don’t be fucking annoying”

it is the Ten Commandments’ "historical significance, which is simply one of many documents that display the history of our country and foundation of our legal system.”

Alright, so let’s put them up right next to the Hammurabi Code, which is also majorly significant to history and our legal system. Maybe highlight the part about how Hammurabi was chosen by the Babylonian gods as the ultimate arbiter of justice.

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

The solution to this isn’t ostracizing trans people, it’s teaching children not be disgusting perpetrators of sexual harassment like you and many you knew.

Nah, the nakedness was meant to symbolize humanity gaining self-awareness, which separates them from the purity and innocence of other animals. After Adam and Eve eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, they realize they’re naked and feel instinctively ashamed of that (as most people would, but regular animals wouldn’t), so they cover themselves with leaves. In fact IIRC, the fact that they’re covering themselves up is what tips off God that they ate the fruit.

I’ve always just assumed our particular corner of space is considered the “Florida” of the universe

Dude, I’m literally just saying it’s wrong to generalize an entire people as a “cancer.” If you seriously can’t see the reason in that, I honestly don’t know what else to say.

I’m not pro-Russia by any means but this is some extremely troubling rhetoric

I would imagine it’s at gunpoint, figuratively or literally.

“This thing seems to be true.”

“Actually, this thing doesn’t seem to be true, and here’s why.”

“So you don’t want this thing to be true, then??”

Maybe now you can see how ridiculous you sound here.

So this is totally random and unsolicited, but I’ve seen you around some of the communities I’m in and I noticed you sometimes use slashes to emphasize words (e.g. /actual/). Maybe that’s a personal preference, but just in case, I thought I’d let you know that Lemmy supports Markdown formatting, so you can italicize words by wrapping them in asterisks. For example, *actual* becomes actual