I should preface this by saying I’ve already been somewhat convinced that it’s worth trying to get hrt

That said I’m really happy for you that it panned out like that. And I’m somewhat relieved to hear it.

Sorry if this is rambly and venty. I tried to stay coherent

–

Right now, I already look queer. I get called names by strangers in the street, I’ve been a hair from being assaulted by a stranger in the middle od the day before, and that’s just by looking gay (in a theoretically fairly progressive country). What I’m saying is, I think I can trust the people I’ve got around me. They’re not the problem.

The problem is that right now when I give a kid a high five, I get a nasty look, and I understand. I present myself as a dude, after all. But if I start trying, I don’t think that’ll stop, but it’ll hit so so so much harder. Just an example, of course, but you get what I’m saying

I’m afraid of trying and looking in the mirror and still not being able to like who I see, or maybe even liking it less than who I was before. I don’t want to be feminine. I dislike women’s clothes and makeup. I just don’t want to be a man, but I feel like achieving that externally will be much harder without those things to support the image. My body has used its growing time to grow into the broad strokes of a man, and no amount of HRT is going to change that. Sure, fat will shift around eventually, I would grow boobs (dont think I want to. Not 100% sure tbh), but my face won’t be demasculinized, my voice won’t get un-fucked (I have been training my voice but that’s not the point). I don’t think I could live with myself if I actually tried and I still didn’t get any closer to being happy.

So I guess that’s why I’m really so apprehensive about HRT.

Well, that and waiting lists being measured in years, if they’re open at all, meaning it’s easy to just give up.

The only way I would use windows is if I was paid

How much, though? Let’s say yearly. Don’t forget this also applies to servers. Don’t try to get sneaky with android.

I’m not really sure how to reply, but I want you to know I appreciate what you wrote a lot. Thank you

I think you owe it to yourself to try estrogen

You’re probably right. You kinda made me want to again

(Put the rest in a spoiler bc idk the tone kinda sucks)

It sounds like we share(d) a lot of feelings.

I’ve only been on 4tran once, out of morbid curiosity. It seems like an awful place, but a lot of what was being said was at the very least familiar to me. Not sure where I got it from.

Thank you for writing about your experience. It genuinely meant a lot to read.

Thanks for telling me :)

I get dysphoric around trans people, because they’re a present reminder of the fact that I haven’t put a single step in any direction in terms of gender. A reminder of how I feel unfixable. Of how my testosterone puberty could’ve been prevented. It’s got nothing to do with the person in question. Some days I have the same with cis people, mostly women. A reminder of how different things would’ve been if I’d landed a coinflip the right way up. It makes it hard to go outside tbh.

What I might lose by HRT is a sense of normalcy in my discomfort. I’m not a woman. I’m not sure what feminizing hormones would make me feel. I don’t hate most of my masculine features, I just hate that they make me a “man”. Plus, I’m likely to lose the family I currently still depend on because the housing market is a mess. I’m afraid of losing the social safety that I have now. That said, I hate being treated as a man. What fucks me up the most is that I see trans women get treated as if they’re men¹, which defeats the purpose for me, as I despise being seen as a man, not my secondary sex characteristics. My thoughts are a bit scattered but I think you probably understand what I mean

¹: this felt really shitty to write, but it does happen and it is a concern of mine

I understand. I wouldn’t say I act bigoted towards trans people, though. I try my best not to, anyway. I go to protests, stand up for and support people around me and am open about being nonbinary.

I understand why you said what you said in your removed comment as well. But what do you expect from me? To get over myself? I’m not trying to hurt the people around me. It’s not like I want to hate myself, or that I don’t recognize that it’s a problem. Working on it alone just hasn’t been enough.

I’m sorry that you felt what you did because you read my post.

From a reverse image search, it seems to originate from @ATOMIKSAIKO on Twitter, who seems to be a real artist.

I would be very happy with a WhatsApp-esque ‘scan this QR code and be done’

There is a QR login feature in the Matrix spec, but far from every client/server supports it. IIRC it works in reverse, where the logged-in session shows the QR code. I’m actually in favor of this choice, as it means the user shouldn’t need to specify the homeserver address on the new client. I believe this doesn’t transfer your private key, though, meaning you would still have to enter your recovery key, recovery passphrase or go through the emoji thing. I could be wrong about any of this, it’s been a long time since I’ve last tried the QR login.

To me it feels like there’s a lot more friction than with WhatsApp or Signal, but to be frankly honest, I don’t really know how to solve the problem either.

Are you all on OVH, then? Maybe my IP is the just the problem. Or do you all perhaps have older domains? Did you do any IP warming? I’d love to know. The openness of email is important.

(And fwiw, I’m not the same person as who implied you’d have to pay. In fact, I’ve never heard of that before)

Login interface in Tempus has no SSO option.

Yes, I know. You said that.

Since you’re dissapointed about that, I figured there would be another client that does have support for SSO. I was asking you which client that would be.

Exactly!! This really needs to change.

Security is important, of course, but it’s not like vodozemac is that good anyway…

(Sorry about the length, I’m rather passionate about this. The second half can be ignored)

Essentially, the key to decrypt your old messages is tied to your session. On your (presumably) first session, you can get a recovery key, which is a long hexadecimal string, and a recovery passphrase which you can decide yourself.

If you start a new session (i.e., you log in on another client), for your opd messages to be visible on the new one and your new messages on the ols one, you need to “verify” the new session. There are three ways you can do this.

1. Enter your recovery key
2. Enter your recovery passphrase
3. Interactively verify with your old session, which pops up some emojis on your old client and your new client and now you need to say they match on both.

Alternatively, if you forgot your key and your passphrase and logged out on all the other sessions, you can reset your recovery key, creating a new one and making your old messages unreadable.

(The following are just my thoughts on this) The recovery key is a PITA because most non-technical people I know don’t use password managers. Even if they did, though, it’s not like any password manager (afaik) offers to save your recovery key. You need to manually put it in there, separate from your account password, and manually enter it when you’re connecting a new client.

The recovery passphrase somewhat mitigates this, as they could simply use their favourite “use it everywhere” password, but I don’t think I need to point out the problems with that.

The emoji thing is cute and works quite well, but somehow people still get confused and justifiably vaguely irritated that they have to do it at all.

You just can’t expect normal people to understand that these are important security measures, they just want to log in and be done.

That said, most people log in once on their phone, very maybe twice to also have it on their laptop and then never have to think about it again. That, however, is a problem in and of itself, because at some point they’ll get a new phone, chuck the old one, try to log in and realize they have no idea what their key is.

OpenSubsonic has an SSO standard? Which client+server do you use for that?

Cinny is also still a very good option! Especially if non-techy people are gonna be using it, as its UI is more stable (as in, changes less)

Honestly the only real problem that’s holding me back from using Matrix for everything is that it’s really inconvenient (for non technical people) to set up an additional device, as you have to verify it.

I’ve had to walk too many people through this.

So you want the client to save them instead?

What if they’re using a web client? Browser storage? Unencrypted or do they need to enter a pw every time they log in?

I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I think this would be very difficult to do correctly, especially in a manner that would work for people whose first question isn’t how much metadata the server has access to

Listen, I’m happy for you that your setup works, truly. I’m absolutely not trying to imply that it isn’t. It’s simply just not “fine all around”. It’s fine for you.

Thanks for making me realize that I literally don’t even need to be able to deliver to MS and I can just use my mailserver 😭

Lol no

Maybe if you’ve got a 10 year old domain that’s been actively sending legit email everyday or something, but my email from my server goes straight to spam on outlook. Literally everywhere else is fine.

// yes my dmarc, dkim and spf are fine. No I’m not on any blocklists. No my IP is not a residential IP lol. The domain and server just turned 1 year old last week :]