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screenshot of r/AskReddit post by u/CriticalGeode . Title only. official phone app. Light mode.
How would you hide the body of a 165 Ib, 78 year-old white male who is approximately 6 feet tall?
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Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead.
You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm.
They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.
Well, thank you for that. That’s a great weight off me mind. Now, if you wouldn’t mind telling me who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs of course?
Classic.
I just rewatched that classic yesterday
Though I’d suspect you do want it in the deep freezer for some period of time, it makes the whole “blood and innards” thing much less of an issue to deal with I’d think. At least for chopping and/or bagging
So what you do NOT want to do is try to dismantle the torso. You pop the peritoneum and everything will kind of come out like a poorly wrapped burrito and you’ll have a right mess on your hands.
Oh absolutely, legs, arms, and head are still full of messy stuff though.
I don’t think I want to hang out anymore…
You’re always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.
Second best monolog in that movie. The Desert Eagle vs Replica scene is still my favorite.
I like the part when Brad Pitt says “aslkdjhgfaledkjfhgawserlfkjhawuigh?”
pwikenlebleuformmemem
Damn, this guy crimes. I’m impressed.
It’s from the movie Snatch. Banger of a classic!
– Snatch
Someone else posted the same comment 4 hours before.
I’m not sure how I didn’t notice that but thanks.
Do you know what “nemesis” means?
“A righteous infliction of retribution, manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt; me.”
“Horrible star trek movie”?
“light mode”
Well done, you have managed to dazzle the blind.
:3
You make no sense, son of chronos.
I dont have a gender actually
So you represent the concept, not the youngest son of chronos?
Sure
Very obvious…You hide the body at the cemetery
wait I’ve never thought about this
IIRC from last time, someone on Reddit suggested digging a vertical hole (smaller visual footprint in an aerial search), covering the body with yogurt (to speed up decomp), and then burying a dead animal above the body (to throw off the cadaver dog’s handlers).
Cadaver (or HRD) dog handler here. It’ll only confuse the cops, not the dog handler.
Gotta put crushed up glass between the body and what ever dead thing you buried close to the surface to discourage digging
Fuck no, that would only encourage digging because it’s too suspicious.
Good point. Perhaps we also put up a cautionary sign that reads, “Warning: Crushed glass below. Do not dig. No corpses buried at this site.”
Yeah that seems like it should work :D
By the animals not investigators…if they’re looking there you’re already fucked
The animals don’t do any digging. They just report the death smell, and the handlers then have to dig and confirm why the dog reported.
I too, want to hide my body. Try wearing some clothes.
Right. I dont know why everyone assumes its a dead body.
If I answer that, then you’ll find all the other ones.
I love how if this were a serious post people would be up in arms. But since it’s a shitpost everyone’s ok with sharing their expertise. 😂
New meta: be as specific as possible so that others think you’re being ironic.
Just tow it outside of the environment
Into another environment?
No, no, no, it was towed beyond the environment. It’s not in the environment.
So what’s out there then?
deleted by creator
The front feel off!
Depends upon what your are hiding it from.
If the white male is a human and understands your language, maybe you can convince it to hide - in your closet / behind a tree / under a bed / behind some bushes etc.
We do a bit of pension fraud
The “Weekend at Bernie’s” method seems to be working well enough already.
It worked with Biden for about 3 years before people noticed. (Poor form, I know, but couldn’t resist.)
I’d tell you, but I don’t want to be on another list.
Wow, Reddit’s gotten really dark since last time I checked
Compost bin
