I’ve had hemorrhoids for like 25 years, so I’ve always been very discerning about my toilet paper.
this entire time, I’ve been using whatever toilet paper I have found to be the softest as facial tissue, to blow my nose, as well. my reasoning being, if this stuff is gentle enough for my hemorrhoids, of course it’s going to be gentle enough for repeated use on my upper lip.
then, a friend turns me on to one of those new “with lotion” facial tissues (my bathroom tissue always has aloe in it) and wouldn’t you know it, my upper lip finds it to be softer than the toilet paper. but, when I try using it as toilet paper, my anus doesn’t find it to be less irritating than the toilet paper.
why do my butthole and my upper lip think that different things are softer? is it just chemistry?
This is the type of hard hitting content I wish we had more of around here
Paging @DoctorNoses
Wha…YOU’RE the one who should have the answers! Where did you get your medical degree???
Pretty sure they went to Brown University.
thank you.
This may be too deep a question for a Thursday.
Nah man, just wipe the surface.
Nah, get up in them guts for hygiene sake.
Get a bidet!!! No irritation, just dab dry, helps immensely.
I tried the bidet but it’s too powerful for my nose, just felt like I was waterboarding myself. 0/10, not recommend.
It takes some practice to perfect your toilet netipot technique.
i have one! that didn’t make the question in the back of my mind go away unfortunately
Rub your nose on your anus and you’ll have your answer.
okay, I will start taking yoga now, and get back to you once I am capable of running this test
I’ve done yoga for the better part of 3 decades and I’m not even close. You’re better off cultivating a friendship with someone to get them to rub their nose on your anus as you do the same for them. But seriously, you should still do the yoga, you’re body will thank you as you age.
On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog … until you tell them.
Prepare to become famous after Google’s LLM quotes you in a few years.
…Damn Girl! How flexable ARE you??? Can I rent you for the night???
Oh, sorry. That came off wrong.
I was just trying to imply that my penis would have fun with your body, bending you into various positions for my sexual benefit.
I didn’t mean to imply you would profit or gain anything from the experience.
I know it’s not the answer to your question, but you should really consider getting a bidet installed to not piss off your hemorrhoids.
Speaking from someone who also has them and who got a bidet during covid. Life changing for my cinnamon ring.
cold, cheap bidets in the guest baths, expensive warm bidets in the master bath.
I actually just use the cold even in my own bathroom. A bit of frosty water cools the O-Ring after a meal with a biiiiit too much hot sauce, or when that slight lactose-intolerance flares up.
But the heated seat on a good quality bidet… that’s amazing
I’ve had too many cold nights in winter where you wake up in the middle of the night, pinch a quick loaf, and then scurry off to bed. Now, with warm water, it’s nice and cozy and next minute you’re like a fuzzy numble all snuggled up in a big cozy cinnamon bun back in bed still asleep. Cold water, well, there’s these nights it’s winter and the dead of night and suddenly your pucker screams ¡Ooo! ¿what temperature is that? well it’s gonna take an hour to get back to sleep now.
I do not miss those winters
Irregardless!
Don’t use nose tissues as toilet paper!
They’re made stronger for sneezes, not designed to “dissolve.”
They’ll gunk up your pipes !
Irregardless!
Stop.
Oh c’mon, I just had the sudden urge to say “irregardless!” and decided not to resist it for once.
Don’t resist it, it’s fun
Unirregardlesser
I am going to suggest that you get a colonoscopy. My own experience with giant polyps is that they reduce the ability to evacuate fully, and make for an “it’s like a marker, I just keep wiping” condition. Between the extra straining and extra filth, that can definitely be a “recipe” for hemmorhoids.
Thank you for subscribing to Butthole Facts.
i got one when i was diagnosed with them at 18 but it’s time for another (they give you really good drugs for a colonoscopy)
All they gave me was propyphol, I wouldn’t call it “good.” Just knocks you out.
lame. i got fentanyl & Versed
new “with lotion” facial tissues
They were new in the 1980s, just FYI. The first ones were called “Puffs Plus With Lotion”
oh man time to start digging up some old TV commercials
Anatomy is a mystery, but I did read that if your nose runs and your feet smell, it means you’re built upside down.
the skin is sensitive there. if you have a glans; its the same there as well.
not to mention, the ‘lotion’ stuff isn’t going in your nose- or even remotely close to the sensitive parts of your nose.
Plenty of lotions are irritants if you use them in places they’re not meant to go.
Find a doctor who uses the little elastic bands to gather up the sagging anus skin making it smooth and firm again. It’s a game changer.
anuses are desensitized by all the shit they spew
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price per sheet goin up.
They’re charging me out of my ass for my nose.
Idk, tissues feel pretty soft on my ass
