• @Rakonat@lemmy.world
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    19415 days ago

    While 100% in the don’t fake it camp, please also remember us men are not mind readers and our equipment works different. Much like with cooking and cleaning, if you don’t tell us what we are doing wrong or better yet show us the right way, we are going to assume we did our part cause we got the result we wanted and you didn’t complain or ask for something different.

    • Fake orgasm is very counter-productive, even when it’s used as a feeling preservibg way of saying “I’m tired and bored, let’s just finish you off and go back to watching tv”

    • @Allero@lemmy.today
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      1815 days ago

      What I happened to notice with different girls as a guy is that for many, of not most, telling/showing the right way is a turn-off and having something the right way without showing first is a source of tremendous excitement.

      With that said, we, men, are still not mind readers, and women really do have it very differently, so some common sex education, while useful, can only cover the basics, and even they are not universally applicable.

      • @Omgpwnies@lemmy.world
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        2215 days ago

        telling/showing the right way is a turn-off

        I don’t think OP is talking about a PowerPoint presentation (unless that’s your kink, you do you), but more like some verbal cues “faster” “don’t stop” “a little lower” etc. If the guy has a reasonable amount of attentiveness and experience, he should be able to get her 80% of the way there. Also, little cues like that can be hot as well because we know she’s into it and stuff.

      • @TheFriar@lemm.ee
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        14 days ago

        I dunno man, most women in my experience have all really appreciated (and as much said out loud) that there was communication. Sure, if it happens without any prompting or guidance, it’s mind blowing because it feels like there’s something naturally special going on, but that’s a pretty rare thing. Sexual compatibility can be tweaked and guided, for sure, but then again there are also people who just don’t have it together.

        There are also just toxic people that want perfection with zero work. But that’s not how shit works, even if they can be a vocal group

      • @MisterFrog@lemmy.world
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        214 days ago

        Funnily enough, this is the case for men too. Hence all the “this has never happened to me before” memes on TV shows in the 90s and 00s.

      • Captain Aggravated
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        414 days ago

        I’ve noticed a pretty direct correlation with a woman’s habit of masturbating and her ability to orgasm during sex. The chick I was seeing just before I went back to college, I’d believe it if you told me that I’ve played with her clit more than she ever has TO THIS DAY, and guess what? She never once gave me any suggestion on what she wanted me to do, I’m sure because she genuinely didn’t know.

      • @Croquette@sh.itjust.works
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        3215 days ago

        I’d say day to day as well, depending on many factors (stress, energy level, hormones, etc.)

        Just communicate and see what’s working or not, or if anything works at all. It will make the sex better for everyone involved.

    • @gladflag@lemmy.ml
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      15 days ago

      Yes! Also, tell your male friends to communicate and actively ask what feels good!

      Edit: Also

  • @Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world
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    8115 days ago

    Or rather: don’t fake orgasms, make sure he knows if there’s something he can do better.

    Constrictive criticism and pointers is how we get better, especially at doing the things YOU specifically like.

    If he can’t roll with that, though, kick his ass to the curb. Maybe point and laugh at his weird penis first 😛

    • unalivejoy
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      1215 days ago

      If he can’t do it, flip him over and do it yourself.

      • @Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world
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        1815 days ago

        With you in principle and updooted you, but:

        That one was A) a joke and B) a joke about shaming those unwilling to learn for not being willing to learn. Not about shaming them into being better in any way. What do you think I am, a Catholic parent?

        • @LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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          415 days ago

          Nah, I just wanted to make sure it was obvious to others that part was a joke. I updooted you in a comment you made lower in the comments. I figured you were a person with good intent making a comment involving passion. Something I direly need to learn from. Controlling my responses hasn’t always been great. As for the Catholics, I can’t speak much of anything about them I suppose anymore. I left their following more than 20 years ago now, and I hope they grow better as I don’t think they are going to disappear any time soon. I also need to give up drinking, but for sake of words, I say let’s drink to a better future.

    • @BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works
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      1515 days ago

      Constrictive criticism

      Freudian slip? But hey if that’s what you’re into then good for you 😉

      Otherwise? Yeah, come on, don’t settle for shit sex, if you can teach your partner to be better then why not? Don’t be too afraid to say something.

      • @Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world
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        315 days ago

        Freudian slip? But hey if that’s what you’re into then good for you 😉

        Actually a happy autocomplete accident, but yeah, gonna leave it as is because you made it fun 😄

        Otherwise? Yeah, come on, don’t settle for shit sex, if you can teach your partner to be better then why not? Don’t be too afraid to say something.

  • @bcgm3@lemmy.world
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    7415 days ago

    Yeah, please. Why be deceptive? It serves no one.

    Better yet, take responsibility for your own pleasure. Play an active role in getting what you want out of the act. Communicate. Why wouldn’t you?

    • Semi-Hemi-Lemmygod
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      3315 days ago

      I’ve heard from a lot of women that a portion of men take any attempt to provide suggestions as a direct attack on their masculinity

      • @inv3r510n@lemmy.world
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        2214 days ago

        Not just men, I’m a lesbian and I’ve experienced this with women too. Some people are really sensitive to constructive criticism especially during intimacy.

        • @swordofdamocles@lemmy.world
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          413 days ago

          especially during intimacy.

          Well that does make sense when you think about it. That’s when you’re at your most vulnerable. I personally wouldn’t mind because lust overpowers all of my other emotions during sex lmao. Though for some people, I think it would be best to talk about it after the deed is done.

          • @inv3r510n@lemmy.world
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            213 days ago

            Yup that’s definitely why. And a lot of people other than the hyper sexual have a lot of insecurities around sex even if they didn’t grow up in a culture that made it taboo.

      • @namarupa@lemmy.world
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        714 days ago

        This happens when providing suggestions to anyone about anything when you’re dealing with an insecure person.

  • Jo Miran
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    9015 days ago

    Most men are a lot more receptive to input than many women give us credit for. For the mist part, men do not want to be known as a terrible lay. If your man doesn’t think he needs pointers, get someone else to treat you right.

  • Kraiden
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    1915 days ago

    Honestly, yeah! If it’s not going to happen, fine, that’s life sometimes. If I’m doing something that doesn’t work for you, or you want something different, how tf am I supposed to know that? I’m not psychic ffs. If you fake an orgasm, you get what you deserve.

    • @1984@lemmy.today
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      15 days ago

      Lol, you sound really angry. If you want to get better at this, you should probably remove your ego from the equation here and look at it objectively.

      I see a lot of anger from both genders these days on social media. Take a step back from all of that and date people who are not into all that shit. It will turn your brain into mush. :)

      Social media is harmful for you. It’s become even worse than the news now, since it’s actively targeting you with algorithms, trying to get you to be upset so you click around. It’s going to serve you the worst of humanity fighting eachother.

      Just touch grass.

    • SendPicsofSandwiches
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      414 days ago

      Right? My immediate thought was just that is is awful communication and everyone would have a better time if they just said something in either scenario

      • @Tartas1995@discuss.tchncs.de
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        1014 days ago

        Oh and that is fine but then you have to ask yourself if you want to have a partnership with bad sex. If not, break up, or “teach” by communicating what you want, what is good and what is bad. There is no alternative, accept bad sex, break up, teach.

        (Technically, you could let them have sex outside of the partnership to study, but… Well, not my cup of tea)

  • @Zannsolo@lemmy.world
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    3515 days ago

    I’m lucky my wife orgasms easily from PIV makes me feel like a champ but really it’s just her body that makes it happen.

    • @meliaesc@lemmy.world
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      315 days ago

      I’m in the “multiple orgasm” camp but it has happened a couple times where I’m not really in the mood (stress etc) or the sex has gone on too long (chafing, boredom) where there’s not a specific thing my husband should start or stop doing long term and I don’t want to impact his experience. It’s only been like 3 or 4 times in the last 15 years.

      • @interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml
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        15 days ago

        Here’s the psychic cure, actually fake orgasms don’t exist, they are all real. If she tells you she faked it, it means she’s lying to you, and now she’s just trying to hurt you, probably because you didn’t do the dishes last night.

        There, the whole fake orgasm thing, solved forever.