Our species is more alone than we’ve ever been even though our numbers are greater than they’ve ever been and our means for reaching each other is nearly limitless.

Because everyone is so, so deeply scared of social rejection, an instinct bred into us through ice ages and apocalypses where we needed each other to survive, that the fear of rejections has become one of our primary social motivators. People now have a choice of trying to find social circles and groups that they can adapt to or compromise with like we’ve struggled through for thousands of years, or withdraw into spaces that prevent us from ever having to experience even a chance of rejection. Feel awkward when a stranger says hello? You can choose to practice getting better at responding to others, experience failures as well as successes, or you can retreat to a place where “hello” means oppression and you don’t ever need to ever risk pain by responding.

This is just a tiny, micro-slice of the issue but EVERYONE does this, and if you think you don’t, you are also stuck in the film-strip post-hoc rationalizing your every feeling.

Sounds an awful lot like hexbear users, oddly

I think it’s most likely meant to be a take on “lovebombing” which is a phrase used to refer to cults and unhealthy relationships

Opposite of negging

I agree, this needed more layers.

i find it helps me to view other people explicitly as separate entities with free will.

Makes it harder to do any sort of funny business when you’re more aware of their autonomy on a fundamental level.

but I am your father

deleted by creator

feels upset at being heartbroken

Here’s where the word “upset” having multiple meanings can be a problem.

If he is upset, as in sad and/or confused, ok, that’s a reasonably expected reaction.

If he is upset as in angry about being turned down, then he’s being pretty entitled and has criticism coming.

In terms of things having gone too far, it’s simple enough. We are connected all the time and we can find al sorts of echo chambers and be in contact with that circle 24/7 using online engagement where we can just turn off/ban anyone that we don’t feel like dealing with. This fosters a strange mix of overthinking things, contagious pessimism, and isolationist behavior. People need more balance with more real life interaction.

this just terminally online brain rot

Texting vs talking has some situational context. E.g. if you’re somewhere public, talking on the phone is often frowned upon, but you may text quietly. In a car it’s reversed.

But a lot of us old folks do want people to sit down and shut up. It likely also plays into impressions of foreigners—a lot of immigrants are probably doing something they consider normal by talking on the phone on the bus, while everyone around them thinks they’re being incredibly rude.

Calls and meetings can often be an email, too. Better to not disrupt others if you can avoid it.

The text instead of talk is pretty situational from what I see. Young people still will gleeflully hang with open mic on discord with their friends. One on one phone calls are certainly more rare, but I know my kid spends more time talking on discord than I ever spent talking on the phone growing up (sharing the house phone). I don’t know if anyone is particularly excited about video conferences, certainly in my adult life video-capable meetings are the order of the day, but the cameras are generally off. It’s way more convenient than the meeting calls of old.

From what I’ve seen while they are playing ‘music videos’, it’s frequently just in the background and they aren’t watching it, it’s just a convenient way of getting the audio since youtube has it all and is the most convenient interface. There were more radio stations than MTV/VH-1, so it wasn’t as convenient to just let MTV/VH1 be your audio back then as it is for youtube to be your music.

This is why women choose the bear

Probably next time just say ‘Hey, nice dress!’ or ‘You look stunning!’ and then just keep walking on.

‘You look nice’, in that context, a fleeting interaction, walking past a group of people you don’t know, who don’t know you, is creepy.

Its like the stereotypical creepy guy thing to say.

Following it up with a lengthy explanation and getting the whole group involved is even worse.

‘Good on you for putting in the effort’ is infantilizing, and implies that they normally don’t.

I agree that throwing a hissy fit and stomping away is an immature, rude overreaction, but you did actually stop and continue the interaction with her friend, thus basically from her perspective being awkward, then insulting, then starting an argument, when her and her friend were presumably… going somewhere, to do something, probably within a specific time frame.

You easily could have just kept walking (which ironically is the actual advice you end with), instead of trying to defend yourself… and you’ve got to be a bit more competent in formulating a succinct, quick compliment when the context is ‘randomly walking past a complete stranger.’

What?

Sorry pal but you were in the wrong here.

Oops you fucked up a social interaction and converted your own fuck up to misogyny instead. Don’t do that. You’ll continue to fuck it up and forever reinforce your own downward spiral to misogyny.

you look nice

weird and creepy, but okay

it’s cold out so good for you putting in the effort

okay, you’re lucky you kept your intact nose that day

deleted by creator

well i’ve made the experience that people who could be considered “pretty” by social beauty standards are more likely to be mean.

the way i explain it is through the “ideal bonding distance” theory. in chemistry, if you have two atoms forming a molecule, they typically keep a certain distance from one another. In society, something similar is happening. People like to have a certain distance from one another. If it’s too big, they’ll try to get closer to other people. If it’s too close, they try to push other people away. Since “pretty” people make the experience a lot that other people try to come way to close to them (for their own liking), they develop a habit of, in general, pushing people away, thus the mean appearance. People who don’t build that habit (because they don’t need it), are nicer in general, i would say.

named after Darth Vagueis, presumably