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You know you can just have flatmates, right?
Where’s the fun in that?
lol
Gas, grass or ass. No one stays for free.
I’m paying rent, Dave.
Where do you find a flatmate who’s willing to be third wheel?
We’re too broke to entertain ourselves in other ways.
Better to invite another couple to live with them, then they’ll have four incomes, instead of a third wheel & possible homewrecker.
foresomes 🤤
That’s the spirit!
The term “homewrecker” needs to be retired, like, yesterday.
Yeah, total trad puritan BS mindset. Don’t know who downvoted you. Sexual liberation has yet to come to a lot of people, it seems.
“Homewrecked” would have more sense if every couple could afford their own home.
Polygamy sounds amazing to everyone until they actually try it and deal with the drama like one person in the polycule only being there for another person and actively attempting to rip them out of the situation, with all the drama that comes with that.
Polyamory has been relatively drama free for me for 6 years. Not any more drama than I’d have in a monogamous relationship.
I think it’s highly dependent on individual situations. Both monogamy and polyamory can be peaceful and delightful, or awful drama filled trainwrecks. I would argue that it is easier to have bad drama with polyamory simply because there are more variables and people involved, but it’s not inherently more dramatic.
I find it freeing to not have to worry about my partners “cheating” or getting involved with other people. They found someone new? Good. They’re probably a cutie who I’ll get along with, even if we never get close with each other. Whether or not my partners love me or if we’re as close as I want is a whole separate matter from how much they love other people. There is still plenty that can go wrong in the relationship, but other people won’t be the issue.
this person gets it
the only downside is that once you figure that out most romcoms stop making any sense
Exactly. The expectation of exclusive love creates like half of the drama and jealousy
You lost me on the first sentence. I mean, I understand what you are saying but (as a married person) I can’t relate at all. Even at the beginning of our relationship, if my partner decided to leave me it would suck but I never really thought or worried about it. If there was a problem, we talked about it and tried to solve it in a way that worked for both of us.
Cheating et al, how often does it happen? Was it something you worried about before you were poly (if there was a before and if you don’t mind me asking, I don’t want to be rude)?
It’s not cheating if you were never coerced into making some bargain of ownership like a traditional religious marriage does.
I think cheating is wrong because it’s a betrayal of your partner’s trust. What I have no problem with is my partners being with other people. That distinction is why I put “cheating” in quotations, as it isn’t really cheating when I’m fine with it. I worry about romantic partners betraying my trust in numerous ways, both before and after I realized I was poly. However, that’s a perfectly common fear that basically everyone has, not just about their partners, but about people in general.
What really made polyamory click for me was the realization that my partners being with others didn’t bother me, only them not communicating about it did. I can definitely get obsessive and possessive of other people; I definitely fear that people might abandon me. At the same time, that can happen regardless of if there is a third person involved, and if anything, being ok with a third person meant one less fear that would keep me up at night. So long as we’re both clear about our love for each other (something we’d need to do anyways), I would be happy.
This is all without even mentioning how awesome it is to be poly. Flirting with cuties guilt free? Bringing people home to each other? Having different itches scratched by different partners? Getting intimate with multiple people at once? Being poly is the best!
Thanks for taking the time to explain! It’s really interesting to hear about a way of like that I really can’t relate to. :-)
That’s why we have kitchen table poly. If everyone’s partners can’t sit at a kitchen table together, they won’t be a partner.
Polyamory ≠ unicorn hunting. It’s always bothered me that people think of polyamory in such a heteronormative framing.
I never said it was unicorn hunting though?
It always bothers me that people seem to think that poly has zero boundaries, that it fixes absolutely everything in a relationship, that you no longer have to make any effort.
Polyamory*
Polygamy is something completely different.
I’ve never done poly, so I’m an outsider, but I wonder if those would work better when all people involved ‘stop’ their default relationships a bit beforehand, to reset it so to say, and agree all beforehand to start and treat each other then on equal terms.
Personally, I thought that a poly that arises from an originally mono relationship, is bound to have one of the three feel like a third wheel, rather than a true relationship triangle (where everyone loves all involved). And then it’ll dissolve.
as @TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zone said below, a strength is that those involved could feel freed from the worry of “do they cheat on me or not”. i think it might be similar to an open relationship in that regard.
So many people make the mistake of opening up a relationship to save it, and a poly relationship started that way is usually a bad idea. In that case, there are usually deeper problems in the relationship and it was already doomed to fail. Ideally there is the expectation of being poly or the expectation that relationship could be poly from the beginning.
All that said, it isn’t necessary for every person in the relationship to be equally close. Some might be better off serving emotional needs for each other, while others might be mainly sexual. So long as everyone is on board with the depth of their relationships, it isn’t a problem. Like with any relationship, it’s all about open and honest communication.
Unicorn hunting just got a level up ._.
No such thing as unicorns on Grindr. Everybody is looking to fuck
I thought a unicorn was a woman and a man looking for a bisexual woman to join them? 🤔
They would be the unicorn hunters and she would be the unicorn
The unicorn is the bisexual women who finds both of the other people attractive
Something something late stage capitalism undermining its own social reproduction by making monogamous patriarchy financially unsustainable.
My ex-husband and I got into a poly relationship. He left me and we separated. He kept dating our third for a few months. They broke up and my ex tried blaming the breakup on the third instead of taking responsibility for his actions. We were kinda toxic with the third and the whole situation icked me out. I know I didn’t use a lot of pronouns but we were gay and the third was a bi man. He actually ended up dating a girl after our drama. I’m finally recovering financially from the divorce and I’m starting to date again. I’m moving out of my sister’s house tmr.
Hey congrats on the move! Sounds like a lot to work through and I’m glad to hear you’re looking forward, that can be hard.
More of forced situation. After one year of regaining ground on my finical situation she’s kicking me out hell or high water. I told her my airbnb host declined my rsvp but I found someone for tmr night. I work all week btw I have a good job I only smoke weed but my sister is pushing me out 2 weeks before I fan secure a real (hood) apartment. Donations are welcome but I’m solid enough to take the airbnb price. I work at a gay bar and Pride month is great.
