Hello my name is Doug, I’m 40+ years old and I’m a fucking idiot.

I mean I guess part of me knew, I have been to Subway and watched them slice the fucking bread. But when I see baguettes at the store I think “hm, just like Olive Garden, I can make tiny baguette slices!” I don’t think “yeah time to make some killer sandwiches.”

…I’m going to blame my autism for this one. It probably isn’t true, but I’m gonna blame it anyway.

👏

Deprogramming cultists is a lot of work, and things are stressful enough as it is for the non-cultists. I don’t know what the best approach is for them, but I can only hope when/if everyone cuts them off, they do some internalizing.

…I know they won’t, but I can dream.

I’m very fortunate in that I don’t have a single friend or family member who voted for Trump.

The closest I have in my proximity is one maybe two coworkers, but they are not loud about it and stay very quiet on all things political because they get dogpiled on for any talking points they bring up.

But yeah if I did know any friends or family, I’d absolutely cut them out.

wowwwwwwww

…if I ever friend broke up with someone like that, I would be very tempted to burn that bridge and tell the wife.

Well they’re not just gonna discard the extra tube.

You want a genital tube, you’re gonna have to be happy with a butthole tube, or just one really long genital tube.

Yeah I’m trying to think how you would “fix” this. Maybe put a faux-building around the tubes so you’re sliding down a toppling skyscraper?

Kong Ko-Ko Kong Ko-Kong Ko-Kong Titty Titty (repeat)

That’s a good tell tale sign, especially if it’s only happening with one friend specifically (ie I might look for reasons to not do other hang outs just ‘cause my social battery was depleted, but if it’s one friend specifically, it’s probably them).

My sign was I felt super depleted after every hang out, and I would never introduce him to my other (more diverse) friends, despite his persistence. Then I had to ask myself why am I even friends with this guy?

✅ = 👦🧒🤳📲

✅ = 🥱👌👈😒
❌ = 😩🍑🍆😤

if you don’t step the fuck back this quartz is gonna be a rose quartz. 😤

Yeah they’re expensive, but again not a subscription!

“Hey my rock isn’t reducing my stress.” “Oooooh, what is that the 2025 model? Yeah that’s no good for 2026 stress, you need the new geode.”

A while back you’d have caught edgy atheist phony-god me being like “crystals are bullshit, I ain’t buying that!” but these days I look at them and am like, “hmmm, it’s not a subscription, and worst case scenario I have a cool rock on my desk… sold!”

history is written by the victors, as they say; perhaps jesus was a piece of shit and his legacy was slowly shifted from being a piece of shit to what we know him as today. and all the early wars people had in religions he was a component in were actually in part to find and destroy any records saying otherwise.

Anytime I’d make eye contact with a cop car I get pulled over.

I’ve learned it’s much easier to just release the caltrops and flip ‘em off if I see anything ski-rack-ish on top.

anyways g2g. court summons.

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I remember when the first Surface released and Gabe from Penny Arcade was like “wtf this is better than iPad for drawing. why aren’t they advertising this aspect of it?”

I don’t know if that’s still true, but I always tucked it in the back of my mind when I was looking for drawing tablets.

Time to pull out the power loader then.

my worm, it’s attractedddddddddd! NNNNNNGH. SPICE MY DUNES.

Flow that spice right into my b-hole nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh