Was that the plot of “Up”? It’s been a while…
Could just use the helium and skip the gun, spare yourself the hassle
Yeah, let’s not only disturb the people around you, but also leave them a puzzle…
This was an episode of CSI
This actually happened…
On the morning of Jan. 25 he left his $900,000 home in Palm Beach Gardens, Fla., for that walk
What a weird fucking detail to start the article with
Everything in the USA is a competition and a flex on other people.
That struck me as strange as well
“Pity this poor rich man, because even though he was rich, he still had problems 🥺🥺🥺”
reality is stranger than fiction
or more likely, anon was inspired
Look at the date on the article as opposed to the greentext. I think it might have been Florida Man who was inspired lol
Of course it’s Florida man.
Damn. Went from funny to oh shit.
It seems likely but doesn’t explain the lack of a casing
Maybe a revolver?
>buy Helium
>around 10,000 balloon
>gun
>attach balloons filled with helium to self
>shoot yourself
>let the corpse fly away
>no one will ever know
Thank me later
One day, ballons deflate
Corpse comes raining down out of the sky
No one will know what the fuck is going on
Thank me later
I’d like to thank you now.
Thank you.
Anon can’t follow simple instructions.
Do not do this. Helium is a scarce resource and those balloons create pollution and kill animals when they come down.
I’ll just shoot myself with a gun made of ice instead
We already have ice that can kill you on a hair trigger, it’s called yelling at snowy mountains
Smart. We just need a 3d printer that can print ice
I was just gonna make a mold of a gun I already have and freeze some water in it
Make it even more inexplicable. Ice guillotine.
You better commit suicide in an environmentally friendly way!
Exactly. For example you can take off all your clothes and drown yourself. Preferably in a place with a lot of carrion eaters like crabs.
Your dead body still gives off methane. If you aren’t hermetically sealing your body prior to death you might as well be an oil executive.
If it’s eten before it rots, the emissions are lower than they would be if you’d stay alive. I’d call that a win.
Yeah but also make sure to minimize your emissions in how to hermetically seal yourself
Solar power that vacuum sealer lol
Yeah, use hydrogen for quadruple the lifting power! Send that gun to space!
or even better, fill the balloon with vacuum so that it has the least weight possible, meaning it’ll float anywhere!
There are a couple viable alternatives to helium for this particular application. Hydrogen and methane are both adequate lifting gasses.
The helium thing are my exact first thoughts
The gun is going to come down somewhere. Gravity is a bitch like that. So, coastline, and make sure the winds are out to sea. Not just the surface winds, but also the winds aloft. When the gun does eventually come down, it is still going to be connected to the balloons, and will be floating at the surface for days. A balloon mass this large could attract attention. You’ll want some kind of water soluble string to drop the gun and ensure it sinks.
As it ascends, the balloon cluster is going to show up on doorbell cameras. The noise of the gunshot is going to draw witnesses with phone cameras. At the very least, you need a moonless night. Fog bank and low ceilings can help. Definitely don’t want to try this during the day.
This guy balloon guns
Mary Glockkins
Thinking about it, you could really fuck with local authorities.
Drench yourself in the water at the shore, wear clothes with tags torn out, and have a notebook in your pocket with pages after pages of random numbers. Police and intelligence agency staff will work all-nighters to figure out who was the spy they found and who shot them.
It would help to have a page from a book of poetry in your pocket too
Some guy at a lake bear me once killed himself. He had a cgest wound but they found no gun. Suicide wasn’t really on the table because it’s weird to shoot youself in tge chest, and then where is the gun? Did he throw it in the lake with hia last breath? Non of it made sense, the bullet hole was weird, they found gunpowder residu that wasn’t common from gunfire. At his home they found a sort of contraption that no one cared about, because it seemed unrelated. But then they found a similar one next to the body and it was a string and some branch and a little rock or whatever he used. He was swinging that rock around to hit the bullet at the right location to fire it. They suspected it took him hours. Later they found out that people saw him for weeks, sitting there playimg with some rock branch toy or whatever.
What an absolute insane way to die.
I guess the real question is, did he even intend to hit himself?
Advanced singleplayer Russian roulette
Finally a game where you can only win
I wonder if there is a level of elaboration in suicide planning where you stop being suicidal, because now you have a lot of interests and leafs of motivation are now so far from the original trunk, that you now have will to live.
Now you like walks near the shore, checking weather patterns and how they form so you could notice them with your naked eye. Now you picked up balooning hobby, maybe you got in contact with other people on a forum, maybe you read a book. Now you got interested in materials science and chemistry, you organized a little lab somewhere and got sucked up by this fascinating subject. Later on you could start thinking about marine life and if it would be affected by your actions. That would be another rabbit hole. Maybe someone asked on the ballooning forum about glues and it was something you have recently read from a chemistry book and you recommend against said glue, because it could be harmful for marine life.
The suicide is just the constraint. It’s the device that drives the plot. The central thesis is the mystery. How is the mystery preserved beyond the magician’s provably final act?
We haven’t broached the logistics of filling a large quantity of balloons with a lifting gas, without leaving clues to that fact. Do we have gas cylinders lying around? If not, did someone see us disposing of them shortly before the coroner’s estimated TOD? Some balloons are likely to pop during the process; do a few scraps of latex give away the plot?
Well, not quite the same, but there’s the story of the guy who decided to spend a whole bunch of money on drugs and hookers and then kill himself, went to Mexico iirc, and had such a great time that he gained the will to live.
Elite balloon knowledge
deleted by creator
Nevermind, I read this and thought it was accurate lol: https://lemmy.world/comment/26804286
Or just don’t do it next to beach front housing
Hmmmm, do a Luigi, but with the balloons taking the gun while you take the Citibike?
Anon: “Haha I bet they cant solve this case!”
Detective after investigating for 5 minutes: “Alright pack it up, boys. Natural Causes. He had a pre-existing condition of lead poisoning. Anyways, anyone wanna go get a donut with me?”
Either that or they just peg it on the relative or random black person, fabricate evidence and testimony, and then send an innocent to jail.
How could I thank you later?
When you’re both in hell silly.
Js people go missing hiking all the time its much simpler to just hike out into the wilderness and do it there. They’re not gonna find you.
Your asking a lot of a depressed person. I don’t think I could ever be in the mood to kill myself after hiking out a couple of miles, but I love nature. Maybe it would work for someone else.
Isn’t that a good thing then? They won’t kill themselves because they’ll change their mind on the hike. Problem solved.
Other than the next hiker who you are traumatizing
You don’t do it on the trail dude. Do you know how many people go missing and are never found in national parks every year? Look up Missing 411. If you think somoene is just gonna stumble across you then you have no concept of how vast these lands are. We’re talking about pure wilderness that is hundreds of miles across.
That legitimately doesn’t exist where I live :( My best attempt to not get found would probably be either breaking into one of the old unused mines in the mountains that are kind of near me or off myself at sea and hope that my corpse wouldn’t get swept to the coast.
Gun sticks on thumb, potentially leaving a festive corpse.
Or, more fun, balloons hit basement ceiling, mystery solved.
Up and Soul have a weird crossover sequel
I think they can tell it was self inflicted gunshot but yeah, the missing gun will be a mystery.
use two of the same model with the same bullets and do a double tap to the back of your head
The micro scratches on the bullet are unique for each gun though.
Use frangible bullets, won’t be enough left for them to match it to the gun.
Setup a mechanism to double tap you from 10 feet away and the thing floats off and then have that detonate after floating off for awhile.
Ghouls. Missing items at crime or accident scenes happens. People come across the scene and help themselves.
What if you don’t hold it normally? Use a type of ammo from a weapon normally too long for suicide and connect something to the trigger so you can reach it, or wrap the balloons string around it.
If you watch enough true crime you can probably work out how to make your suicide look like a murder, or at the very least leave them confused for a while.
