About anything directly affecting me, it’s been a while.

But I watch stuff to happy cry occasionally and I get almost the same emotional release. Shallower but more frequent.

Yesterday. I was telling my boss about how my husband abruptly and with finality brought up divorce in the midst of asking for a raise. Didn’t expect to cry but it happened. She was super supportive 🙂

The other day my neighbour’s 4yo daughter saw me come home from the yard where she plays with her cousins. She ran up to me arms open wide saying “huuuug !!” and her cousin (same age) followed her lead so a second later I had my arms full with these 2 beautiful, innocent, aww-factor little girls. As someone struggling to have children for years I felt simply… fulfilled (?) for a short second there. Then I went inside and broke down

Full on sobbing? About a month ago, maybe a little less. choking up and tearing up and being unable to speak, just now as I type this.

At the end of February, I had to unexpectedly say goodbye to my girl Ripley (Mastiff/Lab cross). I think a lot of people have a soul dog, and for me, Ripley was that. She very literally saved my life by simply being there during my darkest depressions, and whenever I would have a panic attack, I would bury my face in her fur and breath in, and her scent would somehow pull me out of it. I live now absolutely terrified of what’s going to happen the next time I have an anxiety attack and she’s not around.

About three weeks before, she started limping. Vet said basically that it’s either a sprained muscle or bone cancer. I said, well, let’s start optimistic, get her some painkillers and muscle relaxants to give her leg time to heal if it’s a sprain and then go from there. And for about three weeks, it worked. Went off the meds 10 days later and was seemingly back to normal. So I figure I dodged a bullet.

At the end of February, it starts up again; worse this time. So I make another vet appointment for x-rays, but it wouldn’t be until the end of the week, and because she’s in pain, the vet asks if I can drop her off and she can hang around there so that they can squeeze her in, in between actual appointments that same day. I said yes, not even thinking for a moment that this would be the last time I would see her awake and alert.

I knew that it was possibly bone cancer. I was expecting that. That isn’t what haunts me and makes me cry when I think about it. It’s two things primarily.

1. The absolute sudden nature of it. I get a phone call saying that they’re asking my permission to sedate her for the x-ray because it’s too uncomfortable and painful for her to sit in the machine in the proper position to xray her leg otherwise. And then a second phone call an hour later, not only confirming that it was bone cancer, but that it had already started into her lungs. I had to make a choice. I could either take her home for a day or two to say goodbye in private, but in order to not be in pain she would essentially be so drugged up that she wouldn’t really have an quality of life anyway. Or I could race to the vet and say my goodbye’s right then and there. That unexpectedness hit me like a tonne of bricks, but what really hurt was…

2. I called a friend to drive me to the vet and be there with me while I said goodbye. When we arrived, Ripley was still only just starting to come out of the first sedation that she had been given in order to take the x-ray. I spent almost an hour, just laying on the floor next to her, talking to her and stroking her fur. But I don’t know…and I’ll never truly know for sure; if she knew that I was there for her in her final moments. Did she wake up enough from the first sedative enough to register my presence with her before they gave her the next one in order to start the euthenasia process?

Or did my Ripley go to her rest thinking that she was alone, and her last memory of me was dropping her off at the vet?

My friend insists that she felt Ripley’s breathing speed up when she heard my voice, but she could just be trying to make me feel better. And it’s that unknown that still makes me cry whenever I think of it, even two months later.

The last ugly sobbing cry was a month after she passed, the crematorium sent me her ashes back, and, unbeknownst to me, they took a nose print of her nose for me. Seeing that nose print broke me all over again. It’ll soon be a tattoo.

Anyway, I’m going to stop now. I’ve run on long enough and I’m on the verge of crying again. Pretty manly for a 50-year old dude, I know… But she was my everything and I miss her terribly every day.

Learned my cat has cancer today :'(

I cry probably daily on average if we count all types of crying. I’ve sobbed a handful of times in my life. I cry hard a few times a year. I mostly cry because I’m inspired by something like the Artemis II mission had me crying either because of the spirit of space travel or being touched by how much I love all 4 of the beautiful people on it. I cry when I’m happy.

Well I had a good streak going until I read these stories. Thanks.

Few months back when the memories of a deceased relative flooded back and the fear of losing more loved ones caught me off guard

About a month ago.

Happy tears? Yesterday, but not just washing my face. Really, really sad, emotional storm? A couple of years ago. Angry tears? Can’t remember. I’ve been working on myself and balancing out.

Physical pain? Can’t remember, but my eyes have watered a few times.

Crying enough to interrupt my breathing with the quivers and and all? When I was 13 at my grandparent’s funeral. That was the first death for me. Emotional tears? Like every other day. Happy, sad story, movie, moving article, beautiful community moment, a good song at the right time, whatever. It’s been like this for over 30 years.

You don’t have to cry. Hopefully, it’s just a sign your brain has readjusted how it ranks stressful situations and not anything more serious than that.

I don’t think I have cried for my own sake in a decade at this point, just can’t. I cry at sad or emotional scenes in media and for other people, but can’t do it for my own stuff. Haven’t cried when my grandparents died, although I loved them both, or when our family dog had to be put down.

The day that my 18 year old cat had to be put down. That morning, I pulled up a video of birds for her to watch, same as most other mornings. And seeing her watching the birds as if nothing was wrong, knowing that it was the last day I would spend with her, that fucking broke me.

Prior to that, I think I hadn’t cried in over 20 years.

August last year, when my cat went into advanced stage kidney failure and I chose to have her put to sleep. She had stopped eating and didn’t have the strength to support her own head at that point so not a difficult decision, but still very hard to accept.

Yesterday when I touched the cast paw print of my bestest boy. A post from someone else made me remember him. I was crying from losing him and also looking up old videos of him being cute and silly.