Hi! I’m straight, cis male, and white.

I had a bar that went out of business because we were hosting drag shows in a rural town and the mayor held a 2 year slander campaign. My business was vandalized, Nazis parked outside it. I had panic attacks during the worst of it and have since been diagnosed with PTSD surrounding the experience. At one point a friend/gay pastor told me that because I chose to continue supporting the queer community and creating a space for queerness to exist, and thrive, as opposed to taking the safe approach, that I am now a member of the queer community.

I genuinely feel safer in queer spaces, and even chose my dentist by searching “lgbt friendly dentists near me.” A dentist office isn’t a dedicated queer space though, so I have no qualms.

I went to a drag performance last night, to support a queen I knew. I went to a few shows a couple months ago and ran into some performers from my bar too.

I started realizing last night that I’m knowing fewer and fewer people from the bar days though. And resultantly I feel that means I have fewer people to vouch for me that I am a safe person, without that vouch I feel as though I may make real members of the community feel unsafe - and moreover a feeling of unsafeness is sometimes as unsafe as being unsafe.

For years I’ve been inspired by the craft of drag. I’ve had visions of outfits in my head but never had the time, a queen interested, and my pussy has never really been on fire.

With everything going on in the world…when I was at the show last night, my pussy started to quake, dare I even say, ignite? I dunno, I think it’s gonna be time soon.

I know there are plenty of examples of famous straight men doing drag such as Rudy and his pedopal. But there’s also plenty of real queens dedicated to the craft, such as Maddy Morphesus and .

I guess I’m wondering is it an invasion of space? Both in and out of drag for a straight guy to enter. What and where are the lines? And most importantly, what do I need to be doing to keep everyone in these precious spaces feeling and being safe? If the chat believes its cool for me to do drag, please feel free to hit me up with drag name ideas.

Lastly, am I allowed to say CUNT?

Thanks in advance! I’m not a perfect ally, nor will I ever get there, but I’m trying my best to get as close as I can.

  • jol@discuss.tchncs.de
    25·
    1 month ago

    Just let a fem boy suck your dick once a month, and I’ll allow it.

    Kididng. Man, you go out of your way and put your life in danger to protect queer folk and give them a safe space. Being queer is literally being the weird one. And it’s seems like you’re very much the weird one in your community. You don’t need to be gay or cross dress to allow yourself to be queer.

  • Irdial@lemmy.mlEnglish
    19·
    1 month ago

    Gay guy here. I think that dedicated queer spaces exist for good reason, but straight-identifying men like you who are secure in their masculinity are not one of those reasons. If you feel a sense of belonging in those spaces and even a desire to participate, I think you should go for it. The human experience is bizarre and wonderful, and too short for gatekeeping.

  • Jul@piefed.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    8·
    1 month ago

    It depends greatly on the queer space. Some are reserved for queer people for safety reasons just like any minority group safe space. So ask. Many do welcome allies.

    As for drag, there is no direct connection between sexuality and gender presentation, especially in a performative role. As log as the intent is not to harm other drag performers, then there’s no requirement that you have a particular sexual or relationship preference to perform or to enjoy performances. Now certain venues may also be queer safe spaces, so ask before joining in drag, but otherwise drag itself is not sexual.

    As for the word cunt, it depends on where you’re located. In many English dialects it’s used pretty widely to mean something like “friend”, but if you live in a place where it’s still used as an attack on women, such as the US, then I’d say no. Don’t use it. Only people in a community can reclaim words meant to attack their community. You can not do it for them just like white people can’t use the n-word pretending to be reclaiming it as an excuse.

  • Janx@piefed.socialEnglish
    4·
    1 month ago

    I’m sorry that this is off-topic, but I’m confused. You say you’re straight & cis male, but then you start talking about your “pussy” out of nowhere. Did I miss some context, or is this some drag term or aspect I’m not familiar with?

    As for being an ally, I think participants will recognize your genuine interest. Just act in good faith, get to know people, and be respectful of those you grow to care about; they’ll let you know if they don’t feel comfortable around you. As for everyone else… well, you can’t please everyone!