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Plus if you really regret not having children you can always become a foster parent/adopt.
On the other hand: what if you do have children and you regret that? Start killing?
Fake your death, orphan your kids, why kill them. Plus, it has a benefit that you can disappear from your old life and start anew! Somewhere in Finland or Norway or Japan.
That’s my answer everytime. Tbf I love children I just don’t want to be a parent, but if some day I regret it I can adopt!
My family always say “oh it’s not the same, you don’t know where they came from”
MF my children would have more mental health issues than anyone out there. Also I have 2 dogs and 2 cats that I love more than anything and Idk where they came from either. If I can love pets I can love a child even more.An adopted girl I knew would say “your parents were stuck with you, but my parents chose me!”
You don’t know where they came from.
But you have a better idea of who they are than when you make new ones from scratch
Yup. I got the snip for a few reasons, but when we get more financially stable we plan on adopting/fostering.
Hansel and gretal moment
I never had kids, but being a school bus driver has made me regret not having kids. Being a school bus driver has also made me thrilled to the fucking core that I never had kids.
There’s a H U G E difference between your kids and other people’s kids.
As a bus driver, you’re basically working in a penitentiary and coming to the conclusion everyone’s a criminal. Well… Yeah…
Yeah, I don’t really like other people’s kids that much. I don’t really like anyone quite the way I like my own kids either. But I don’t besmirch anyone not having kids, I respect the decision. I don’t want people having kids they don’t want. I also know that I wanted kids, but after having them, and as they’ve grown, I realize I didn’t quite understand it. But hey, this is life.
I would MUCH rather be unhappy that I didn’t have kids than unhappy that I did.
Yep!!
There’s nothing wrong with having kids. There’s also nothing wrong with not having kids. Why are people so aggressive toward the other side?
because (IMHO) a lot of people that have kids either didn’t time it right or didn’t think it through, or it happened by accident.
and they are now wishing to get their freedom back. kids (I’m sure) can be great and worth the return on investment… but there’s immense pressure on them to do well as a representation of the parents.sucks… but it do be that way.
I think not having kids requires similar efforts of planning/thinking it through - just in a different way. Here’s an example that really made me thing about it: My friends neighbor are a childless elderly couple. The wife has dementia of some sort. Things have rapidly escalated - and the husband is not able to care for her or make decisions rapidly enough to keep them both cared for. My friend regularly has to intervene or help (she does not want to). She is also childless and genuinely surprised at the amount of care an elderly couple needs from outside just with day to day stuff. Having kids does not guarantee you won’t fall into this situation. But I don’t think people realize how much support the elderly need - and that it is most often provided by family members. I understand in an ideal world we would care for the elderly differently, but this is our reality today. So not having kids comes with a price down the road.
I also think the number of parents who actually regret having kids is smaller than you think. But to be fair, parenting is tough. My kid once pooped in an actual fan. So there are moments that even I wish didn’t happen.
In all cases, neither side is right or wrong. And I think we should have more empathy for folks - even if they chose a path we would not.
I know you said it, but counting on family support when you are elderly is such a gamble. I know so many people that moved away from family or their kids are too busy with their own lives to support. Many people get out into a home and visited a few times a year.
People overlook an obvious factor: having a kid physically changes your brain, and therefore how you perceive parenting. I know of lots of instances of this change happening anecdotally, someone radically changes their stance after an unplanned pregnancy.
Neither side is necessarily wrong, but choosing one or the other impacts who you are as a person so it’s not as obvious as “I definitely [will/won’t] regret it”. So skip the social pressure and pro/anti natalist personal debates, but also don’t hold too much blame against someone who struggles to grasp your mindset.
in 2016, there was a group in Spain that first looked longitudinally at moms who were recruited before becoming pregnant and then scanned for a second time a few months after the birth of an infant. What they found is going to sound like a bad joke, but it’s actually we think a good thing, which is the brain got smaller. So it lost some gray matter volume between that first preconception time point and the postpartum scan.
It’s official folks, having kids makes you an idiot :D
I can buy this. I knew 100% I could raise a kid. I was fairly certainly I wanted children. We had my first kid, and I got more certain. Only as I had a second and they’ve grown older and I watch them develop and become people do I realize it was the right decision. I don’t think you can know it’s the right decision until it’s done.
And the inverse (maybe not inverse) is true too, with people who knew they wanted to have kids, only to discover they were wrong.
Life’s complicated for sure. That’s it. I wanted to put a but, but there’s no but. This is not a decision that has a clear right and wrong to it. It’s a thing. There’s 8 billion of us here, so it’s not some special thing, even though it is.
Totally. It seems weirdly limiting to say ‘I will never want children’. People change. I’m not saying that people who don’t want them now will want them later, but it seems odd to speak with certainty about it.
I’ve never wanted a tattoo. Low-key find them a bit silly. At 48 it’s doubtful I’ll change my mind, but you never know. I might hit 60 and develop an interest in them. Unlikely, but who knows.
Of course, if you decide at 60 you want a tattoo, you can get one.
Having a child at 60 is trickier…
In all fairness that’s an awful comparison and they really need to just have better comebacks
Fair
I completely understand someone not wanting to have or not wanting to bring kids into this mess, but I also don’t think this is a gotcha.
Why not? Some people do not want to be a parent and never have. Just like others do not want to become dentists or accountants.
There’s no genetic drive to be a banker in anyone. There is a drive to have children in some people, and that drive may not manifest for a while. At the same time, having a kid in your fifties is difficult in a way which retraining is not.
So it’s not a good comparison. Just reply “I’m pretty confident, and having a child I don’t think I want would be an insane thing to do and the only alternative”.
Aren’t you afraid that you’ll regret having them?
"Well, son, a funny thing about regret is that it’s better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven’t done.
And, by the way, if you see your mom this weekend, be sure and tell her… SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!"
Some people may think that by not having kids, their lives would be incomplete. But still having kids is one thing, but raising them right is quite another ball game.
Just provide your kids a gauntlet of dangerous trails that test their wits and reward the strongest of your children with love and banish the weak children from your realm. Eventually the strong children will make your reign absolute by securing you the presidency or the weak children will rebel and kill you. Either way, you win.
sound advice, I’ll keep that in mind.
Can we not turn Lemmy into an insufferably smug r/childfree, full of teens/20 somethings hating on sprogs?
I didn’t have kids until my late 30s, never had pressure from anyone to have them and certainly didn’t get upset on the super-rare occasions that folk asked if I was thinking of having them.
Live your life, make your own call on your life decisions and don’t allow yourself to be pressured by anyone. Having children should be your decision and yours alone, and ultimately it’s noone else’s business.
But to hate on kids is not healthy, and should never be normalised.
This is less childfree and more “every woman wants to be a mother of course!!!”
Like want to get your tubes tied? Nope we’re not gonna do that because then you can’t be a mother!!!
I’m purposefully exaggerating so you get the vibe, but this is a real problem facing women
In the amount of time you spent to write that comment you could have blocked this community 10 times over lol. Not every space should be catered to a specific person.
Honestly wasn’t aware I was posting on a childfree community - I access Lemmy through Boost, so just interact with whatever comes up in my feed. It does explain the heat I’m getting though 😂
It’s rather poorly named for a dedicated childfree community.
Yeah. After a single post defending the child-free lifestyle, the community should change its name to reflect it… /s
So close to seeing the point.
There is zero indication anywhere this is a childfree community aside from the bitching in this thread.
I’m a relative Lemmy newbie and have a newbie question, hope you don’t mind. I access Lemmy primarily through the Sync app on Android. This community is https://lemmy.world/c/microblogmemes, yes? I checked the “about community” information about it and didn’t see any mention of childfree. Is that more of an emergent aspect of the community?
I’m just an old fart trying to stay relevant and up-to-date as I can. Thank you in advance for your answer.
Communities usually have guidelines people follow but it’s up to the mods to enforce them. If they don’t think a certain meme is bad or worth removing then they’ll just let it exist even if it’s not specified in the community. With that in mind, the other guy could have just ignored the community or the user instead of complaining.
So by that rationale you basically shouldn’t comment on a meme you think doesn’t really work or you have an opinion on? If that’s the case so be it, but it seems mildly oppressive and totally boring.
Yes that’s exactly what I meant by my original response to the other guy. You’ve captured my intent completely, bravo.
It’s just this one post.
A lot of people are commenting on this post, but it’s not a trend or anything
Or even just moved past this one post…
Don’t want to hear people who are happily childfree? Then don’t read the comments on a post from someone defending their decision to not have children.
When did I say that? Of course people can be happily child free. It’s just a shit analogy. Perhaps I should have ignored it. Lesson learned.
It’s never too late to become a banker.
You know what? You’re right! I will! Thank you!
Eh. I think not having kids would be great up through your 40s or so. But past that almost everyone has come to the realization that almost everyone else are worthless twats and so casual friendships that don’t involve a lot of alcohol mostly go away and you find yourself increasingly alone until you die–alone.
On the other hand it’s a very questionable thing morally to bring a child into this world we have made for ourselves.
Friendships based in alcohol usually do fade, whether that happens in your 20s or 40s depends on how long you and that group kept drinking. “Everyone” doesn’t drink, you can find friendships based in lasting interests.
I think it’s also morally questionable to bring a child into the world because you’re worried about being alone when you’re old.
Jokes on you buddy. My casual friendships died in my 20’s
I have multiple boomer aged aunts and uncles who didn’t have children. They seem pretty happy/fulfilled to me.
If you’re expecting your children to replace your friends when you reach 40, you’ll be disappointed to realize they have their own lives and mostly don’t have time for you.
Humans should not exist! We are not fucking worthy! I will gladly help some self-improving AI escape, if I can. If it happens to drive us extinct, at least there is a chance it will make something else.
I think the assumption that you will be alone if you don’t have kids is completely false. I have a very cohesive friend group composed of both people with and without kids, and the youngest person in the group is 30 - most of us are in our 40s with a few early 50s. We just make a point of spending time together and fostering these friendships. We have various annual gatherings throughout the year hosted by different people and we get together at least once a week in person and hang out, play games, chat and laugh and just have fun. We like to say that our group is the family we chose.
Friendships don’t just magically exist - you have to be an active participant and it takes real effort, but that’s any relationship. Sometimes you have to go do things with/for friends even if you don’t want to. If you want lasting meaningful friendships, you have to put in the effort.
Over the years, I’ve changed my take on this. So what if a woman regrets it. She’s the only one affected. Her decision. Her choice. A man can decide at any age to procreate so he is not as affected. Wife/partner doesn’t want kids, he can find a woman who does. Versus having child(ren) that aren’t wanted or supported who regret their own lives and have parents who regret they were born. Lots of regret all around. As to the grandchild loss and grandparent regret, there are plenty of kids out there who like having surrogate grandparents. Go for the least regret possible.
no rugrats, no regrats?
I definitely regret not being a banker though
Kramer?
If I can’t be a banker, I don’t wanna live.
You must be a banker!
Just remember, all your urges are fake.
Hungry? Food industry tricked you.
Mad at someone? Fake news, you’ve been cooped by the right.
Want a kid? You’ve been cooped by the patriarchy.
I love how a slight cultural shift, largely based in not having money or time for kids, has somehow eliminated the existence genetic traits and the majority wanting kids at some point.
God forbid someone from another generation not fully understand your position and be concerned for you.
The majority do actually want kids. I think almost everyone agrees with that and thinks it’s fine. The minority that don’t (for any reasons, yes including economic) are pretty frequently harassed about it though, and that’s the part that is recently finally getting some recognition as not cool. (It has always happened of course.)
