The guy ahead of me is taking forever to decide what he wants, and he’s also facing the wrong direction. Oh shit that’s the cashier and I’ve been staring at him in silence for 20 minutes
I was doing my taxes one night on April 15th and while looking for my W2s I found a bag of weed that I had misplaced weeks before. I hadn’t smoked since I had lost it so I naturally toked up and completed my tax form (thank god for the 1040-EZ form). Then I drove to a post office that was open until midnight and had a drive-thru lane to accommodate us tax procrastinators. Then I drove through the drive-thru lane twice, each time giving the dude collecting envelopes a “what the fuck are you looking at?” scowl before realizing too late that he had a legitimate reason for looking at me. I managed to hand him my return on the third trip through the line and he just laughed.
That is problematic for several reasons. I hope you have gotten help since then.
I love when you practice it in your head about forty-three times and when you get up to the head of the line you awkwardly smile for an embarrassingly long period of time before you realize you didn’t actually say anything yet.
“What’ll ya have?”
“Good thanks, you?” (fuckfuckfuck)
I promise you, the minimum wage workers don’t care
But now we’re off script! I didn’t prepare for this.
I reach into my pockets to pull out my card but grab clumps of spaghetti.
One cuil
“Enjoy your meal!”
“Thanks, you too.”
“…”
“…”
I love you
Mom
Welcome to Costco!
not high at the time but I’ve done this at work while cashiering more than once
“what time is it?”
“your total is 4:47PM 🙂”
Then I notice that the place is closed and follow the trail of broken glass back into the night.
Thinking: Can I get a Big Mac with pickles and to drink a small coke?
Speaking: Can I get a big man who tickles a small twink on coke?1
This is where I go wrong, I practice it, I’ll mess it up, I just have to wing it, 60% success rate
Oh man I didn’t want McNuggets but I guess I’ll eat em. Daaaamn these are crazy good
Damn straight, but I’ll salad sometimes and be like wrf did I do?
hello i would like a burgget meal
“I’ll have two #9s, a #9 large, a #6 with extra dip, a #7, two #45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.”
All you had to do was place the right order, CJ!
I’ve been high in public just once. Had a friend take me on a random adult playdate. We had a sober chaperone and the rest of us were enjoying that 2008 farm bill. It was simultaneously the most interesting and terrifying time I’ve ever had. It was nice to just exist and attempt to talk like a rational human with friends who knew what was going on, but any time someone else (like a waiter) tried to interact with me, I turned into the OP image and was like “Just act normal!”
Was a neat experience that I will never repeat.
why not repeat?
For me, it was just uncomfortable more than it was fun. Most things are worth trying once.
I’d rather order in, have an edible and hang with friends at home instead of going out.
Tell me more about these beef wings…
practicing my order in my head
And that smile slowly fades away as every person in front of you never bothered to check the menu whole waiting in line so you end up standing there for 10 minutes
haven’t seen a line in McDonald’s in years, you have to use those god awful kiosks
the kiosks don’t have lines?
Cheese preenish
Yeah i’ll have two number nines, a number nine large, a number SIX with EXTRA DIP! Two number forty fives, one with cheese and a large soda
Nothing more human than self defining as ape like and monstrous but capable of chill exchanges
Widdly scuds?
Order #2319, coming right up.
Its like a bell curve but instead the y axis is your iq(or i guess it should be eq in this case) and the x axis is your age. When i was small i was always nervous ordering so i would practice it in my head, then i grew up and became better at it and stopped being anxious and then even later i started ordering at the local pizzeria while high as hell which basically circled back to me being 8 💀
