I’m gonna choose the side effect and you choose the power:
“I ___, but only when I’m hard.”am the world’s greatest kindergarten teacher
Can revive the dead
“I’m gonna explain everything later, just don’t interfere.”
Can reproduce
Makes sense
save kittens from trees
That sounds nice. The newspapers will call me a hard hero.
You can give moving public speeches
Becomes the ceo of Bad Dragon
become immensely popular as a male role model
You can captivate the attention of any child. You’re a comedian or magician that would absolutely kill it at any children’s birthday party. You would be a fantastic teacher as you can hold the wrapped attention of even the most tiktok-corrupted teen.
Except, there’s just one small problem…
I’m Mr beast?
They could make a killing off making videos on YouTube or something like Khan Academy. Just never show him from below the waist…
Pee.
Your super power is that you can transform into an afab woman, once.
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Shapeshifting
It hurts extremely because your whole body is physically altered.
Worth it.
There’s a whole fetish community that’s SOOOOO into this idea
RIP Scoot D:
You shift by magically turning yourself inside out ass first
Disgusting and likely painful, would have to be done somewhere private
You’re worried about manners??
I mean, the point of shapeshifting is to be sneaky
Something tells me you have less than honourable intentions for your newfound power
I mean, what would you do with it? If I had it, I could greatly influence the politics of any country, simply by being any leader I wish to be and screwing their public image
I would be a thespian of course! But now that you mention it, I can see the potential to use myself as a biological weapon to help bring about amore equitable world …
Your brain shape shifts as well into an exact copy of the animal you mimic. You have the intelligence of the creature you turn into. Which means a one way trip as any coherent logical human thoughts is driven out by animal instincts.
If I shapeshift into another human, I’d just have their memories. Id have to shapeshift somewhere calm, and leave myself notes
This might make a good movie plot
Give me the power, I’ll do it for free
This would have infer that your shape shifting skill had the ability to mimic not just their DNA but their nueral patterns as well. Without that you are again just left with instinct and a blank slate brain with no memory or knowledge.
Oh my god, Memento meets Animorphs.
Holy shit this is actually a good idea, I would actually read this book or watch this movie…
It could also work in a video game, but it would be very difficult to pull this off as the player character… could make for some extremely interesting NPCs in various settings.
Your weight also change, but the difference is converted to energy using mass–energy equivalence formula.
Grow slowly -> walking air cooler
Shink rapidly -> Boom
Wouldn’t it be more like: Grow slowly -> burn proportional amount of calories Since you would need to get that energy from somewhere
So you’d be interpolating between a keg-shaped dwarf and slenderman; sounds nice, too
Honestly, I could probably get behind that lol. After long enough I bet you could get really good at getting your mass exactly how you wanted it depending on what you want to do.
So I just need to keep my weight constant
But comes with body dysmorphic disorder. You’ll never be satisfied with how you look.
Not until you finally get it right, and at that point you look like a total freak to everyone else. But at least you’re satisfied.
Granted, but you can never turn back
access to all animal shapes, but can only use them once, stuck in final form forever.
Oh no… I’m a cat. Done and done.
You can only shapeshift into smaller versions of yourself.
That’s not really a side effect, more of a condition.
Every time you shapeshift, you lose the ability to shape shift one more atom than the last time you shapeshifted?
Like a Ramen card in Balatro
You can only shift into a species that you’ve seen before. Can only shape shift into living things (not sentient and mobile inanimate objects)
And you can never return to any species you were previously. It has to be a new one every time until you exhaust the possible species. Leaving you stuck as the last possible species you pick to shape shift into.
Wait, but can I shapeshift within a given species?
you shapeshift, but your state and society will periodically and randomly remind you, that they know, what shape you had earlier … wait, that does already exist. still superpower tho!
You can’t actually become anything unique, the body approximately closest to your imagination becomes yours. They also, become you in turn. You immediately become a world wide sensation if used frequently.
That’s not shapeshifting, that’s body swapping
fuck
Still a cool power
You forget what you like if you are changed for too long and don’t have a detailed enough reference
A matter of keeping some hair in a jar as well as a photograph of mine
Ide start an only fans account
Your telomeres become damaged every time you use the ability
Ability to make cheese at will.
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I would get the biggest fattest breast implants possible and be a stripper with a built-in cheese dispenser.
“Can I get a lap dance and some cheese for the nachos?”
The cheese is extra.
“Ugh. Fine!”Brand new sentence?
I see no flaws in this plan
This is a superpower thst could be in the orgy scene in The Boys, rofl.
It’s Cheez-Whiz
Alas I must make my living in Philly in the cheesesteak mines.
It lags out reality because every time you make cheese, it spawns a dozen above you, and reality just never expected this to happen. Also it’s always comically large Raclette
It’s all kraft singles
You’re lactose intolerant
You now lactate and secrete rennet. Making it possible for you to harvest the ingredients and make cheese at will.
As word of your power spreads across the world, you become a god to cows by providing means to an end to the rape and exslavement of their species.
The combined belief of billions of cows grants you accesss to the physical and mental powers of cows. If you work to free them, you will become more powerful. And if you don’t, you will be cursed to live out the rest of your days in an abattoir, where the hopes and dreams of cows go to die.
Either way, the dairy lobbies aren’t happy and assassins are after you.
Severe lactose intolerance.
Teleportation
Every time you do it, you land on a poop
Just gotta carry disinfectant wipes and stuff I guess. I’d take this deal
Nah, just put on those covers that workers use before they come into your house. Little slips that go over your shoes.
And not like a little dog scat either. We’re talking the entire football team ate some bad vichysoise and it hit them during practice and that pile is where you land. Every godsdamn time. You’re starting to wonder if it’s the same pile.
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I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle
You should watch The Boys, if you haven’t already.
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Are prostheses and implants considered part of your body for purposes of teleport?
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Tooth fillings?
Your accuracy is +/- 3 light years.
If your already on your deathbed, it would be a painful way to die, but you’d at least get an amazing view for a few seconds.
You can’t control the destination.
The event alone causes an explosion, killing anything 50 meters to you, damaging anything 100 meters from you, temporarily disabled any electrical thing two kilometres from you, but you won’t be affected by any of this.
Anywhere you haven’t been is an imaginary place
Super strength
You fart continuously while using it.
Probably the most realistic of the side effects
The minimum force you can output is now around 500 Newtons
It’s extremely difficult to control - even grazing an object the wrong way with your finger can end up breaking it into pieces. Giving someone a hug can easily end with you covered in blood from the person you just split in two.
Going to the toilet propells the shit straight through the toilet.
Your muscles don’t gain super durability however.
Mind reading
It turns out nobody really thinks often enough for you to get any information
Twist: everyone is P-zombies but you! The Solipsists were right!
When you read someone’s mind you involuntarily blurt out everything you read.
I think that’s a syndrome
Crowded subway station = fun times!
You can’t turn it off or filter out any thoughts and are lost in a cacophony of thoughts bombarding you every second from evey living thing. Even isolation isnt a relief as the animals and insects asail you with their primitive instinctual thoughts.
Came looking for copper but found gold. Great write-up.
Antarctica here I come!
You arrive to desolate and wonderfully silent Antarctica.
For a time you are alone and happy in your isolation. Soon enough, thoughts start to slowly infiltrate your sleep and later your waking world. You can’t understand them. They are weird and very distressing. Over time you are having difficulty thinking clearly. You want to run but you cannot. You want to scream but you cannot for the thoughts are so upsetting. Your days and nights are spent in abject terror as you feel your mind slipping. Your essential nature being pulled away from you. Even more frightening is that you are starting to understand and interpret images, thoughts, and ideas, but they are so… Alien.
From the aliens.
The aliens that long ago crashed here on earth. To keep themselves alive they merged themselves with their spacecraft in an unholy combination of life and technology. They have been trapped by time, buried under the ice, waiting. Slowly the machine intelligence has been corrupted, the living minds fractured and the remaining combined intelligence is insane, mavolent, and hungry for new thoughts and ideas. Your mind is but the first. Your arrival has awoken them from a deep slumber. The ice that has kept them from humanity is melting.
You, (are you a individual any longer?) hunger with them for thoughts that are not your own.
I did forget about The Mountains of Madness!
Unholy union is as unholy union does. The machine elves have woken up, and they want to fuck.
All thoughts are formatted in .docx
All thoughts are deposited on a random storage medium and format. So you might receive a 3.5" cassette formatted with ZFS or a flashdrive that must be read by laser refraction (like a DVD)
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Whenever you do it, the fact you’re reading someone’s mind is announced loudly in their mind and in the minds of anyone nearby.
It works, but there is nothing to read. Enjoy your solipsism!
In exchange, all of your thoughts are broadcasted onto an account on every social media, no matter how small, with your name attached to it.
Everyone secretly despises you.
You realize nobody thinks, that you are the only real human, and all of this is a simulation where you are alone in a virtual reality test room.
Always. You can never not be reading the minds of everyone around you.
Have my nose grow every time I lie
but it’s flaccid
squidward
Your nose hair grows proportionally, but when the nose shrinks again the nose hair stays as is
It’s a new separate nose in a random place on your body.
The ability to get my DnD group to have a sensible, routine schedule, with no cancelations.
Neural typical ignoramus is what I choose. I’d like to be able to ignore what’s happening in my country and be happy like a bunch of these dumbassss
Flying
Extreme fear of heights
Stealth low flight mode activated!
‘… I… I just prefer to ‘hover’, ok?’
Hovering would still be nice
“Hey, whats that up in the air?”
“It’s a bird.”
“No, it’s a plane!”
“Wait… Is that…?”
“AAAAAAAUUUGGGHAAAAAAHH”
“It’s Banshee Man!”
Achieved like bats fly. Your arms and fingers have been transformed into wings.
You are now the sexiest thing alive to birds, so they will constantly hit on you.
you lose all leg strength
You can’t walk
Depending on how controlled the flight is, you could just flight 5mm off the ground and just look like you’re walking normally.
That sounds perfectly fine though
You can’t do it unless you’re wearing revealing bondage gear and a ball gag. Your kinks become the story instead of your superpower.
You get struck by lightning
Flying has its own built-in side effects.
Every time you take off, there’s a pretty good chance that people nearby will notice. The government will want to study someone who has the ability to fly, so they’ll start surveiling the area. Within a short time they’ll figure out who you are, and you’ll be captured and eventually dissected.
And, that’s assuming your flight superpower comes with the ability to breathe at high altitudes, the ability to resist the cold you’d be exposed to by flying, the ability to see while flying without having your eyes dry out, etc.
You’re now a city pigeon.
With the snap of my fingers I can instantly cause the death of authoritarian dictators.
The ability to change the probability of events happening
You can only make things worse
Dang 😅 Who gets to decide whether I’m making something worse though?
Me.
You need to amass one kilogram of your own feces in a ceremonial bag for the power to take effect.
Name checks out, thank you Spiderman :3
Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
The other half is poop.
Can’t argue with that
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Applies only to non terrestrial events
Chance of an advanced race of friendly aliens settling on Mars: 0.0000000000000N% => 100%
You can only make small changes, and it doesn’t always work. So, you don’t actually know if you have the power or if something slightly improbable happened.
The probability of gaining or losing a genetic trait in your body also changes based on the probability change you make
Bullet poops
the bullets fire whether your sphincter is open or not
Every time you sneeze you ruin a perfectly good pair of pants/underwear.
Nutsack strays
You’re full of gunpowder
Controlling time to undo mistakes i have done in the past
The ability to choose side effects to other people’s super powers
You get hit with the same side effect
Okay, yeah, but then all you have to do is give everyone beneficial side effects.
