What is wrong with straight people? Are they okay?
Actually the chip slot is a bussy, and therefore gay
No dad it’s not hormones I just accidentally tapped my card at the store and instantly grew a set of boobs.
Paying for things is feminine. You should punch the cashier and shout “this is mine!” like a real man.
/s, obviously
Pay the iron price
Did you pay the tap price or insert price, son?
Instructions unclear, my penis is stuck in a card reader and I have a lifetime ban from Chipotle.
Can someone make a shitty shop of a card reader with a card in it and a aheago face please?
Sure thing
Topic, I love you it’s perfect!
Thank you, its beautiful
I hear the newer versions now like it in the receipt hole.
Also: who needs AI…a text prompt leading to the creation of a new image. You’ve seen it here folks.
What is wrong with straight people? Are they okay?
Why are y’all taking this seriously?
there are a non zero amount of straight guys who saw this and will never tap their card ever again
Doesn’t make this any less of an obvious joke
“straight”
deleted by creator
There’s no hope for any who do.
I know. Obviously straights aren’t people.
This pairs well with my draft article “Penetration fascination slows wireless charging adoption”
When I was a cashier, there was definitely a subset of people - usually the same people wearing maga hats - who did refuse to use the tap. They believed it was insecure. I looked it up, it’s slightly more secure than the chip (if only because contactless systems are not yet susceptible to counterfeit card reader attachments).
It was pretty annoying too, because I was frequently stationed at a register that had a broken chip reader. Some people would get frustrated very quickly and, like, start rage-jamming the card into the machine repeatedly. It’s kind of scary how many people go from 0-60 unhinged at checkout.
After learning about the security aspect, and because of that broken reader, I made it a point to educate everyone I could about the tap. A lot of people aren’t even aware their card can do that stuff.
I exercise ultimate security by just having no money. If anybody manages to open the Pandora’s Box that is my bank account, best of luck to them.
I’ve set up a cognitohazard in my bank account. Anyone who looks into it is disassembled into their component parts and sold off to appease my rampaging bank fees.
I wonder how the chip reader got broken
Yeah if only there were part of this story which could shed light on it…
The tap on my card stopped working a few weeks after I got it, I hope nobody thinks I’m toxic because I have to swipe or insert.
I just tap it every time and half the time it doesn’t work. Well I tap with my phone, then tap with card, then insert, then it tells me to swipe so I swipe.
As a straight person, I can safely say “no”. Please send help
broke: tapping your card
woke: thrusting it
bespoke: not making any contact with the terminal to assert dominancebespoke: not making any contact with the terminal to assert dominance
Doesn’t tapping fall under that?
Tapping implies making contact, in my brain at least. Tap = sound = contact
If I pay cash, does that make me nonbinary?
Depends, do you gayly slide it over or do you slam it on the counter, breaking it?
How does one slam a bill on the counter breaking it?
Ohhhhh… Were you talking about breaking the counter?
The bill collides into the counter with such force that both immediately disintegrate into a cloud of hot plasma.
Hot damn
How does one slam a bill on the counter breaking it?
Forcefully. /j
No, it makes you suspicious. Only criminals pay in cash, and the FBI wants to ask you a few questions.
The FBI can ask as many questions as they like. They’re over there, and I’m over here.
There is nothing more fragile than the masculinity of “bros” who worship masculinity.
For true contactless payment I do neither. I just hover my card / handset near the reader.
Is there something I should know about myself?
It makes you tripple gay
Heck. That sounds… a bit too spicy for me.
You like to watch, while hovering several feet off the ground, possibly with a toy in hand.
This guy has definitely fucked a chip reader.
I mean, we all have. Right?
I stopped fingering one to type this and now its doing the error beep.
Here’s exactly what my feed looks like. I’d say this is further evidence that the straights are not okay.
What a bananas take.
“I’m so horny at all times it feels like a goddamn fever dream, a literal full beard is the only thing that even slows me down. Everyone needs to cover themselves in one way or another, otherwise the urge to just dick them down on sight is too much, it’s unreasonable to expect me and other men to simply resist.”
Admit you’re gay or take 25.
This dude takes 50 cards (just in case).
I think the first is satire (hard to say for sure though) but that second one isn’t a straight.
