To everyone saying this is creepy. At what age would you allow a woman to choose her own partner?
A woman… CHOOSING???
Many women actually choose this lifestyle.
My GF used to be together with a guy close to 20 years oder than her. She wanted a mature man but ended up finding out the hard way that age does not necessarily corellate with maturity. He was a really immature, self-centered dickhead, from what she told me.
She’s barely a year older than me.
You can end up with someone who sees the younger person as easier to manipulate versus someone who’s had time to catch onto the bullshit. Not every time, but it happens.
I mean, the kind of guy that wants a relationship with a kid… seems pretty immature to me
… What she ended up concluding as well.
Same as the age for a man to start meeting the social consequences for his behaviors.
what age is that?
pretty sure men and women are both legal adults at 18.
There’s a pretty big double standard. Women who date much younger men are rarely punished for it. Now and then you’ll hear about a teacher getting busted for it, but that’s about it, especially if the boy is a teenager.
May you be held to the terms of every EULA you’ve ever agreed to.
Our ages don’t determine the power dynamics of the world around us.
They conditioned people to extrapolate age gaps to come to an accusation instead of looking at actual cases.
wasn’t this just nonsense shit made up and reported to the fbi by randoms?
No.
looks like it to me
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-sex-parties-fbi-tip/
I never understood why age gaps are a big deal past 18
I never really understood that too. Then when i was like 35, i met this girl on tinder who was 26. I always thought she was just too young. But it was nice talking to her. Just before we met, she confessed that she was actually 22. I thought it was rude to just blow her off and we met anyway. And oh boy was it weird. It was likt hanging out with an actual child. We talk different, and she was really immature, but in a different way that i was, her stories were only interesting when you just finished school. The list goes on and on. The only upside was that i look really young and she looked older. I really started questioning people being into much younger people.
I think it’s more about life stage than age. Like say she hadn’t gone to college and had gotten into the work force at 18, and was now 4 years in to your same industry. You both had the same job, common references, etc. You’d still have some cultural differences but you’d likely be in a much more similar place in your life. It would make more sense then imo. I think a big part of what makes it weird is just how different your lives are. Which is why the same age gap at like 32 and 45 probably wouldn’t be a big deal.
Yup. When I was younger, it made me mad, I thought older people wrote me off as dumb. Now that I’m older, I understand it’s really just having different needs, goals, and experiences. You can be really smart and wise, have deep comprehension of things around you, but still be out of “sync” with people in different age brackets. It’s not just dating either - friendships, working relationships, time with family members, etc.
It’s not monolithic, just what I’ve noticed.
I feel like this isn’t so much of an age thing actually and more about where you are in life. I started studying relatively late and ended up hanging around with people 5-10 years younger than me, but because we were all students we had something in common and got along well. However, I have very little in common with people my age, they’re all getting married and have children and talk about buying houses and so on and I can’t relate to any of that.
My mind is more like +21. 18 is a wee baby. Realistically after 25 it is truly irrelevant.
21-25 is the prime “people think they are in charge but lying to themselves” years and idk, easy to trick i suppose.
21-25 is the prime “people think they are in charge but lying to themselves” years and idk, easy to trick i suppose.
Do you think if society was structured differently (i.e pre-adult education was actually deemed useful and allowed people to get job relevant skills) that age range would move down?
The idea that 21-25 are easily tricked by older people rings true but I’m also thinking there’s a lot of things about current society that infantilises those people, or rather, gets them to
actuallyact immaturely and see themselves as immature
If you are over 30 you should understand. I work with a lot of young people and their vulnerability is 100% obvious to anyone with a moral compass.
Sute they can be smart, witty and intelligent even tough but there is absolutely a power imbalance. I talk a lot with them and it is insane how much differnce there is between us and how much they trust us older people and believe us. It would be very easy to manipulate them, even on accident.
I am sure there are some relationships with a bigger gap that aren’t predatory but in general it absolutely is a red flag.
It would be very easy to manipulate them, even on accident.
And this, folks, is why teachers have “teacher voice” and don’t go off-topic during class, tutoring, counselling, etc
You can become a bad influence on accident.
People like to criticize a power imbalance based on where someone is in life based off of age/maturity, because with age comes experience, and the argument is you can’t have a fair and balanced relationship if the people aren’t equal.
So i get that. But every aspect of society encourages it so it’s kind of bullshit. In truth vurtually no relationship is 100% balanced in every way.
Someone a little older than the other? Power imbalance through life experience and maturity.
Someone a little wealthier than the other? Power imbalance through financial portfolio and personal solvency.
Someone a different race than the other? Power imbalance because of racial profiling in society, and how laws/grants/conditions may apply differently at home or abroad.
Someone healthier than the other? Power imbalance through healthcare needs medical liabilities.
Someone simply smarter than the other? Power imbalance because the smarter partner will naturally have an upper hand in the relationship.
Just because a relationship has imbalance doesn’t means both people can’t be into each other and take care of a joint life together.
Yeah, all those are really good points.
I def have a knee-jerk reaction when I see early 20’s friends (let’s be real: female friends) dating middle aged folks (again, being real, middle aged males) to be wary about the relationship. But intellectually, the conclusion I come to is that its fine.
I do specifically agree that the other people focusing on an age based power imbalance feels like they’d also be calling for you to only date in your income bracket, and then also to only date someone who’s as physically fit as you, which then leads to well you should only date someone of your race and/or ethnicity.
Something, something, slippery slope argument. But it is logically comparable.
The only reason why I don’t like that “I like mature men” is that, hell, is hard to find a partner of my same age! Lol
But is just that, it’s up to them the decision, and hopely they’ll be happy with it.
Even the younger one can be the one who has the power over the older one (i.e., gerontophilia). It’s not at all unidirectional and monolithic.
what people love to do is judge other people and their relationships. it’s drama.
Deleted, wrong reply, sry
But yea I agree.
Other commenter s keep going on about a power gap and how easy it is to manipulate younger folks.
Yo, I don’t know what early 20’s people y’all interact with, but upwards of 50+% of the people I work with are 21-26 and gonna say this is patently false. Labeling them all as easily manipulatable or saying they lack the means to make ends meet feels like some kind of paternalistic ageism.
These young whipper snappers might be annoying with their mog maxxing and 6-7s and shit, but they’re also whole ass adults.
Nevermind how many 60 year olds I know that have the maturity of a toddler… Age, maturity, power and independence are completely different issues… You can be with someone your own age that is fully dependent on you. Age isn’t the driving factor…
But people just get all icky at the thought of the age gap…
because it’s a number that’s easy to measure and understand.
The age past 18 only serves as a gross oversimplification of a person. It’s a naive measurement at best.
Tbf at 25 I thought I was an adult and was actually retarded, but I wouldn’t magically say I was so dumb that I needed to be full on treated like a child. If we treated people like children until 25 then they would just be dumbasses from 25-30. Then we would be arguing that dating a 29 year old is “sus”.
the problem is people projecting their current self onto their past self. and being like ‘well i was stupid at 22’
yeah and when you are 60 you will think you were stupid at 40. that’s how life should work.
but you don’t get to generalize that for others. there are people who at 22 are vastly more matured and full of life experience than people in their 60s, because it’s mostly a matter of what you have been exposed to and things you have dealt with. Some folks like sheltered lives, others not so much.
I am in my 40s and I’m shocked how many 35+ year old adults are more sheltered and naive about life and relationships than I was at like 20.
Similarly, I was def a dumb ass as a ~23 year old. And I am consistently impressed with my co-worker s at that age. Despite thinking their lingo is dumb, I do they they’ve got their heads on straight in a really good way.
The big issue that remains after 18 is power disparity. A 40 year old with a stable career, savings, a house, etc has way more power in the relationship than someone who is still in college and has no real resources of their own as an example.
It’s really easy for a bad actor to isolate and abuse a younger partner to the point where it’s near impossible for them to leave because they have nothing to fall back on. Doesn’t mean it happens every time, but that’s inherently why people get pretty leery of age gaps like that even after 18. Because they can be used to trap people in abusive relationships and leave them with little choice but to rely on their abuser.
By that logic, isn’t it just as problematic when both parties are 40 but there’s a significant salary imbalance between them? Even more so when the lower-earning partner has something else to keep them stuck, like their own dependent children.
Yes it can be predatory people that age don’t go for other 40 year olds, they go for the younglings.
When the person with money is old,fragile and mentally declining a young person could also be a predator.
Mentally challenged people could be in a vulnerable position all of their life.
Many relationships can be predatory/manipulative/toxic problematic age gap relationships are just very common and obvious. Also if you are 40 dating as young as legally possible you would probably go younger and thats creepy as fuck.
When the person with money is old,fragile and mentally declining a young person could also be a predator.
Basically the definition of a gold-digger - young attractive person marries someone wealthy but frail in the hopes that they die and they get the inheritance.
what if the 18 year old is a multi millionaire and the 40 year old makes like 60K a year?
“You’re 18 now, that means you’re old enough to vote and go to war, but your brain is licherally too underdeveloped to decide you want to fuck someone 20 years older than you, stupid child.”
There’s a good chance it’s not going to work. The wider the age gap, typically the less the couple will be able to relate to each other. My opinion is they should know about and accept the potential for problems going in or they’re going to learn the hard way.
That being said, if they’re both adults it’s nobody’s business but theirs.
Because it’s still really gross if a 50yo man is dating a 18yo girl. 18yo are really quite childish still, behaviour, decision making. 18 just happens to be the legal threshold in most places, but imo it only gets not weird at 25 or older dating whatever old age, than it’s really just two adults
This is the rule. I honestly can’t really fault it, it just feels right for so many different ages
EDIT: also go to any comment where someone lists an age gap experience that felt wrong, you’ll see that they weren’t following the 1/2 age + 7 rule. Not that that’s a crime, just that it’s a guide to a safe and happy love life
they aren’t but you know , people gunna be judgy, much the same mindset as Conservatives fascinated with genetalia in bathrooms and sports fields, same stupidity, just ignore them.
27 / 2 = 13.5 + 7 = 20.5
Apparently its ok. Idk how many people heard of the “half your age + 7” rule of thumb.
Jerry Seinfeld dated a 17 year old when he was like 38 which is way worse and he just kinda… got away with it?
Unbelievably 17 is the age of consent in some States. Except in the South where it can be as low as your mom.
It mostly works, though at the early edge it’s a little dicey. I’m not sure I’m cool with a 20 y.o. dating a 17 y.o. Maybe require a firewall between high school and college, excepting HS seniors dating college freshmen.
I have a very general rule. 25 and older are all fair game, no matter your age. Now, that’s me. Someone can argue 23 is fine… Well, okay. 21 is my absolute hard limit for the general rule.
Yeah, I feel like after 30 age gaps in dating aren’t even talked about.
Let’s be clear: this is bot spawned propaganda aimed at minimalizing the right’s pedophilia problem.
“Oh I guess we’re all pedophiles then huh”
My God you dorks will believe anything
“I read it on the internet”
“It had a frog cartoon on it and everything”
Hey man, some people like playing cards, other people enjoy being offended by random internet bullshit.
potatoe, tomatoe, chicken nugget
Yeah, believing anything that is ever posted to 4chan is a mark of just being the most gullible person on earth.
I know it’s just existing Anxiety manifesting is confirmation bias but it is oh so saddening when it is chud material like this.
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yes, lots of people are nuts.
The part they forgot to mention: they’ve been dating for 4 years.
This thread is filled with incels, holy fuck - adults are allowed to do what they want you troglodytes
well this is a fascinating take. kinda interested to see where this goes when the incels see it
I’m just tired of the non stop infantilization of women. Not to mention the only times I really see people commenting on age gaps, they end up being men.
I’m just tired of the non stop infantilization of women.
Really, anyone younger than the reader’s age. It’s how you get some moldy NYT editor insisting 40-year-olds (of the wealthy and powerful) described in the same language as a child.
Simultaneously, we get low income school kids caught in drug stings or busted for petty vandalism or arrested for loitering described as adults.
And don’t even get started on abortion or gender affirming care. Too young to decide for yourself, but never too young to be prosecuted as an adult.
Feels like we’re always moving the goalposts on when adulthood begins.
Old enough to go to war and die, can’t buy a beer.
Make it make sense, and no I don’t mean lower the drinking age.
you don’t think it’s creepy when some 40 year old is dating 18 year olds?
see, I think there are social pressures, verbal and nonverbal cues, mores - whatever you want to call it, that aren’t infantilizing a woman being creeped on by old assholes. they’re expressing a discomfort with something that rarely succeeds and often disrupts normal development.
I’m old. I’ve never seen a 40 year old woman dating an 18 year old man. Ever. I’ve lived in 20+ states and 3 other countries. My experiences aren’t evidence against, but they tell me enough; especially compared to the troves of women I know personally who were catcalled, propositioned, groped and more by men old enough to be their grandfathers, many not even women yet - girls.
So stop worrying about the ‘infantilization’, it’s not a problem compared to the other end of the spectrum, where women and girls are being sexually objectified, groomed and harassed by grown men.
oh’s no’s - the creeps are upset by this posting, boo fuckin whoooo
especially compared to the troves of women I know personally who were catcalled, propositioned, groped and more by men old enough to be their grandfathers, many not even women yet - girls.
Yeah here’s the problem, an 18 year old woman being with a 40 year old man is nothing like a young woman being sexually harassed by men they don’t know. Trying to conflate the two is ridiculous.
It might be rare. It might be odd to you. You are in no way capable of deciding for either of them what is right for them. Especially considering you, for whatever reason, think being a gold digger is the same as being groomed. That’s not even addressing all the other harmless ways an 18 year old woman finds herself with a man much older than herself.
no, it’s creepy and you know it.
this isn’t controversial it’s common, and you know it. trying to reframe it this way is asinine and deluded.
That’s not even addressing all the other harmless ways an 18 year old woman finds herself with a man much older than herself.
pfft sure thing creep
no, it’s creepy and you know it.
What a substantive argument, you really put me in my place.
you, for whatever reason, think being a gold digger is the same as being groomed.
it’s genuinely fucking creepy bro. you present a binary: young women with substantially older men are gold diggers, but they can’t be victims of grooming?
definition of fucking creepy
Whole lot of fucking losers in this thread who took a green text seriously. What’s the first rule of a green text you idiots?
… uh, um… “fake and gay”?
“It’s not easy being green” /j
Are we doing /j now? Is that meant to tell people it’s a joke? If you need to tell people it’s a joke it’s probably not funny.
you don’t talk about green texts
In the nicest way to Anon, it may not be paedophilic, but 27 dating 20 is still sus as fuck.
Sure, the older you are the less the age gap matters - like nobody would look at an 80 year old weirdly for dating a 70 year old.
… but at 20 years old, a 7 year age gap is 1/3 of their lifespan apart. That’s a fucking lot!
Its still not pedophilia though and while i agree with you on principle, YOU DO NOT BLAST ANYONE FOR BEEING A PEDOPHILE WHEN THEY ARE DATING AN ADULT PERSON.
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Half your age plus 7.
27 -> 20.5. Yup. Too big of a gap.
Ha! Your life experiences fall apart when confronted with my arbitrary schema I saw on a meme.
It also comes from the most milquetoast sit com in existence.
May I introduce my 80 year old grandfather and his 47 year old wife. Yes, she changes his diapers. Why do you ask?
I accidentally dated a 19yo when I was 29… She told me she was 25, everything pointed towards that being true (she had lived away from her parents for several years, had a full time job, looked the part, on a surface level acted the part etc.)
Yes, I ended the relationship (while she tried to twist it around to her being the one who is ending it, which is childish) when I found out.
I’m now very keen on getting factual age with proof and generally go for same age or older than me. Never again, I felt so fucking disgusting.
So she acted the part, looked the part, and you liked her… But somehow you don’t want to be with her just because of age?
Wtf…
Sorry, but that’s a pretty big lie in my book. If she was upfront about it, that’s one thing. And if she was willing to lie about that, what other lies are there? OP was right to break it off.
That was just dumb of you. Putting so much weight into just a number. Throwing away a potentially good relationship just cos of a number. Guess she dodged a bullet.
Yeah, someone who lies about something fundamental is definitely a good partner.
Objectively not paedophilic, and only *possibly sus. It all depends on mental and emotional maturity. Only after a certain age of course, an undeveloped brain isn’t going to be able to understand how mature they are, so any notion of maturity would be from an outside influence and it would be inherently unethical to attribute that to the childs actual maturity and try to start a relationship. However, after a certain age you’re likely going to be mature enough to make your own decisions, and for most people this ends up being around 18. That is to say, I’ve met people much older who I don’t think should be allowed to make their own decisions, for the sake of themselves and others. However, I have also met younger people(still referring to over 18 though) much more mature and mentally stable than most others I’ve encountered. All this to say, if they’re both competent adults then stfu and mind your own business.
Some people also were unhappy when I came together with a girl back in the day. I was 19, she was 17. such a pedofile!
Some States laws have a moving age of consent window for exactly this, because there were teenagers dating when I’ve would turn 18 and then they would become pedophiles because they kept on with their 16 year old girl/boyfriend.
It really depends depends on the state. Here in Arizona its 2, because 16 year olds look like adults but 15 year olds don’t. In California there is no exception for rape, so two 17 year olds having sex would both be raping each other, although in reality it isn’t treated like this.
That’s borderline, depends on how long they’ve been dating.
Yeah, complaining about this in a 10 year long established relationship is totally unreasonable, but I’d be worried if they’d only just started dating
Are you fucking joking? If it was a 10 year long established relationship it would have started when the older one was 17 and the younger one was 10. Your saying that would be JUST DANDY?! I’m glad it’s a newer relationship! Got no problem with it. If someone said it was a 10 year long relationship I’d be extremely concerned.
It was clearly a joke IMO
Whoosh. Idk how much more of an obvious joke someone could make. Reminds me of one.
I took my girlfriend out for our anniversary one time, but we kept getting funny looks at the restaurant cuz Im 30 but she’s only 23. So we left. Cuz I’ll be dammed if I let people ruin our 10 year anniversary.
lmfao
At least when someone gets outed as a pedophile on 4chan they usually are instead of just having a slight age gap
When someone gets outed as a pedophile on 4chan it’s usually OP who is the pedophile.
